Youneed notfeel sad when you ‘lose’ because no one isever a loser in life …Real victory comes frombeingselfless, putting ‘others before self’ writes COLIN SAVIO COELHO
We are always engrossed in our daily living. Our human
nature though, exposes us to society and its many ways. It is often that we have to encounter situations that put us in a quandary: 'Should I do this? Would it benefit me? What will I gain?' Sometimes we are open-hearted and sometimes we are somewhat selfish. It is good to be both, but there should be limits to which we can go.
Our lives often revolve around winning and losing. 'We win some, we lose some' is the saying that sometimes puts us down. We tend to believe this word-for-word and sometimes it is difficult to digest a loss. Even losing a game of badminton can put us on a low.
Michelle was a girl who was very magnanimous in her deeds. She always reached out her helping hand and was well-liked in her school and even her village. One day she was caught in a piquant situation during exam days. 'I want you to help me with my exam paper,' said her friend in a menacing voice. 'If you don't help me, I will find a way to put you in trouble.' Poor Michelle was distraught. She did not know what to do and she had no courage to inform her elders because she feared the repercussions. Her friend, however, got her way and Michelle helped her thoroughly, while missing out on even completing her own exam paper. This is a classic example of a Lose-Win situation, where Michelle lost and her friend won with a well-done pat from her teacher. But was it a right thing to do? Is it morally right?
The Win-Lose position
Sometimes we do act selfish to a great extent. In fact Michelle's friend put herself in a Win-Lose situation. Many such instances also happen in our lives. We are determined to succeed while we are not really bothered about what happens to the other.
An everyday occurrence of such a situation is seen very extensively in the market-place. Satish saw a lady at the cobblers and she started bargaining with him to a great extent. The bargaining had reached unreasonable proportions but it forced the cobbler to go with the lady's way of thinking. The cobbler did agree for circumstances were not good for him, but the lady won though it may sound unreasonable.
Jade was on his way to the canteen during the school interval. He was very hungry and needed to quench his thirst also. Along the way he noticed that Jude, his classmate had had a fall and was a little bruised. Jade gave Jude one look and moved on. 'I am very hungry and thirsty,' he decided while telling himself, 'If I go to help Jude, I will only be late and will never get my snack. Who told him to run around anyway? He deserves it!'
Our selfish and self-centered thinking is what makes situations like these very dangerous. When we aim to win, we usually feel that it is imperative to trample upon someone and gain our high ground. In Goa we often speak of this as the 'Crab Mentality'. But again, is this the right thing to do? Is all this morally right?
The Lose-Lose circumstances
When we are least bothered about outcomes, we usually face this situation.
Danny took up the job of putting up the wall-paper in his class. He had a team of three to help him. Danny seemed disinterested from the very first day and the team enjoyed themselves by playing pranks on others and laughing away their time.
Danny taught his friends all kinds of pranks that they could play on their classmates and this led to a casualty. One day as a few children from the school were running around, Danny came in the way and blocked one of them with is foot and the other members of his team followed him. The boy fell and was bruised. Danny and his team were pulled up by the principal for misbehavior.
Danny not only lost out his chance to be a good leader, he used his leadership qualities to influence his other classmates into doing things that were not very healthy. We often lose out when we don't see ourselves as winners
The ideal situation
After considering all the situations we could be in, we would say we can still be in a position where we can win without hurting others or giving others undue advantage over us.
Suresh was at the playground one afternoon and he suddenly felt very hungry. He went to the cafeteria nearby and asked the attendant, 'How much is it for a burger?' The attendant replied, 'Ten rupees.' Suresh thought for a long while, looked into his pocket and saw he had exactly ten rupees on him. He said, 'I have just ten rupees.' And then he asked, 'How much for the vegetable patties?' The attendant replied, 'Eight rupees.' Now Suresh was lost in thought. He sat there a long while thinking till the attendant intervened and told him to move on if he had no order to place. Suresh then asked for a vegetable patties.
Suresh enjoyed his snack and went away. When the attendant went to clean up the table he had tears in his eyes. Suresh had left him a tip of two rupees. Suresh not only enjoyed his snack, but thought of the attendant who looked to be poor and could do with a small tip for his service.
This is more like the Win-Win situation. Here we carry along everyone in our victory. It is not just us who benefit, but it is others who also benefit from our actions. If we work towards this goal, we can do wonders. Even in a sports event, if we are winners we cannot look down upon the other team as a loser. Every team who participates and performs like a well-oiled machine is a winner.
Winning always puts us on a high. But when we help others win along with us, how much more enjoyable it would be!