It was the stuff of romantic.alliances and illusions. Marrying a.man of one’s dreams and assuming.his surname according to traditional.norms. Some went all out, assuming.not only a new surname, but a new.first name as well. Others opted.to add on the family surnames to.their own. The change in identity.was, consciously or unconsciously,.inevitable. But there has been a.growing dissent and an encouraging.trend now that says ‘I am an.individual in my own right and.have an identity of my own’ like the.American abolitionist Lucy Stoner.who made a national issue of the.right to retain one’s surname..“For all these years before I.was married, I have been using my.father’s surname. It’s my identity.which I grew up with. Why change.now?” queries artist Shweta.Narwenkar..“Marriage is a new journey,.but life doesn’t change drastically..Before marriage you achieve a lot.of things and those continue to be.with you,” argues author Anwesha.Singbal, another of the growing tribe.of women who has chosen not to.adopt her husband’s surname, after.she wed Suprabhat Bhat two years.ago. “Only a change in name is not.indicative of love and acceptance.of a husband and his family.” she.emphasises, countering questions.motivated by ‘societal norms’. “The.choice, however,” she reiterates, “is.an individual one.”.“If you are clear about what.you are doing and open about it,.then there is no tradition or social.criticism that can deter you. It is just.a tradition where girls are taught.to think that they first belong to.the father and then the husband..But we are individuals in our own.right,” endorses Prashanti Talpankar,.Associate Professor DMC, who made.this crucial decision 25 years ago.when it was still taboo to do so..If these women have braved.social dissent, it is thanks, in a.large measure, to their husbands’.unstinting support. “My husband.was of the same view before we.got married. And even if people.refer to me as Chari, he instantly.corrects them,” reveals Shweta,.speaking about husband of 10-years,.Uday Chari. Suprabhat is of the.firm notion that his wife does not.have to dissolve her identity just.because she is married. If Prashanti.had any flickering doubts, husband.Sandesh Prabhudesai’s stand – ‘It.is your name you should retain it’–.dissolved them..And how are the children faring?.While most of them have taken.on their father’s name, if they are.embroiled in an argument with one.parent, they wheel over to the other.‘name’ metaphorically!
