Joseph Lewis D’Silva

We all are born; we all live and we all die, in relationship. Often relationship fades away due to daily wear and tear.

Here are a few reasons for that: (a). A relationship which is built up on selfish motives with feelings of jealousy and hatred eventually, turns sour. As increasing in selfishness, leads to decreasing in relationships. (b). Nowadays, relationships collapse because life is on fast tract; we neither have the time nor the patience nor the interest, to take care of good relation or even if we have lots of time for ourselves we always repeat the same excuse “I am busy. I have no time.” In such situations relations, can blow up. This approach is capsule, in the Konkani saying: “Ailea gelea bogor soiro na” (There are no relatives if they do not come and go. (c). Another factor that can make relations go bad is when; one takes too much advantage of someone’s goodness, either intentionally or inadvertently. E.g. a kind hearted relative, if is extravagantly helpful, instead of being thankful and reciprocating for such gesture, one gives more and more task to the generous person. This is because people take advantage of mildness. Such an attitude of taking undue advantage of people can destroy all attachment of relationship. (d). If a person is rich, he becomes a friend and relative of everyone; but sooner or later, they split in the fabric of relationship because familiarity breeds contempt. (e). Disputes over property are common among blood relations which sometimes results in crime. Although it is said, blood is thicker than water; it often fails to provide the binding force when it comes to property matter. Anger rebounds when iron enters the soul. (f) Desperate attention seekers, always wish to be in the spotlight. They mockingly or sarcastically, disrespect others’ ideas, tastes and laugh at other’s views with the attitude of “I know best and I am always right” or “I know it all”. Such mind-set can sabotage good relationship. They do this just to pull people down; so that they can hitch themselves up. Their attitude makes people spurn their company. 

Relationships never die a natural death. It fades away; I mean it become lighter. This is seen at death ceremonies, relatives take pride in the feeling of belonging so they assemble even if they do not meet again. This they do because to them, the family name is an identity. They say: “Soirim tim soirim, tankam doxim korunk zaina.” You cannot separate blood relationship.

Really, relations are like priceless jewels in the treasure-chest of life. So, in order not to sour God given relationship it is better to keep a distance and enjoy its great worth. We can do this by avoiding the above pitfalls which hurt emotions. Secondly, we should not foolishly allow relatives to walk all over us. And this can be done by building fences to protect interference, disturbance and independence and help us live a life the way it was meant to be lived. Such a fence is like a line of control. But fences are to be built without creating hostility. On the other hand while building fences we should also build bridges by various ways --- like occasional phone calls and visits.