SUNDAY, MAY 19, 2024
MOLLY FERNANDES
The summer has begun with the Easter tidings bringing much joy, peace and happiness in the lives of people and to those who have been preparing to celebrate life’s milestones – be they anniversaries, jubilees, success in business and those waiting to begin a new chapter in life.
Yes, marriage - the pivotal decision to come together through the Sacrament of Matrimony and form one’s own family, is indeed a new chapter of the life story. Coming together to build not a house but a family of union of hearts is not an easy choice. Moreover, for a girl who has lived all her life till she parts ways to her in-laws is a brave act of courage and challenge which needs appreciation and acceptance of the act. Adjusting to a new in-law home is not an easy task.
Every family has its own and different dynamics in which family members interact, live together. But the most important is to make the new entrant feel comfortable and accepted by the in-laws family. No doubt, it is also to understand the importance of building strong relationship with the in-laws and vice-versa. So, the acceptance of the new member in the family with all differences is necessary and getting adjusted to the new set up is another story.
Also, it is vital to acknowledge and respect the differences between families when it comes to traditions and different cultural or religious background. This can be an opportunity to learn and appreciate different cultures and traditions. This doesn’t mean bringing up the girl’s upbringing!
Acceptance is another crucial aspect of building strong relationships. Acceptance of the daughter-in-law as the daughter of the house and of the in-laws as my own parents will be a boost to move ahead in life being open and feel accepted. Whether we like it or not, this is a part of our lives, and it is important to learn how to navigate the dynamics of these relationships in order to build strong and positive connections.
Secondly, acknowledging that adjusting to a new in-law home can be both exciting and challenging. So too to understand that every family has its quirks and dynamics or undercurrents. One also needs to set boundaries and expectations. And for this to become a reality one needs to communicate with each other, discuss openly and be prepared for adjustments and compromises from both ends. This means being willing to listen to their perspectives, and to express your own thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. By communicating effectively would be a means to build a stronger connection with and create a more positive and supportive family.
The relationship between in-laws can be a tricky one to navigate. Since, it is a relationship that is formed through marriage, and it can often be difficult to build a strong bond with someone who is not related to you by blood. However, communication plays a vital role in building strong in-law relationships. When it comes to communication, there are several things to consider. Such as openness, honesty, listening, respect, acceptance and avoiding assumptions or presumptions. And all this takes time and effort.
Another dynamic that can build a relationship is being engaged in doing some activities together sometimes such as gardening, cooking, outings, etc and not expecting that the daughter-in-law has to do everything or be replaced in place of the servant!
Another important aspect of building relationships is the use of I statements. For example, instead of saying, “You always invade my personal space,” you could say, “I feel uncomfortable when my personal space is invaded.” This approach is less likely to be perceived as accusatory, or confrontational and it can help keep the conversation focused on your needs and feelings. Therefore, understand, accept, communicate, be open and make the new member feel loved and cared as your own.
These thoughts flooded my mind while praying for someone close to me who said, “I cannot think of leaving my maternal house after marriage and why can’t I come and stay at home…”
