04 Mar 2021  |   04:55am IST

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

KSS Pillai

I have made it a habit to go through the obituary column of the local newspaper before putting it down, and heave a sigh of relief when no photographs of known people are found there.

The news about the death of a relative, friend or past colleague makes me sad and chide myself for not being in contact with them while they were alive. Not that I had no desire, but despite the resolve, someone is always left behind.

The guy whose demise was announced on one particular day had stayed immediately above my staff quarters for several years, and our families used to have a close relationship. Our children were playmates and school mates. During the festive season, our wives and other women in the neighbourhood used to assemble and visit each house to prepare Diwali dishes. He had retired from service a few years before me but used to visit us now and then with the whole family. He had moved to his ancestral village a few kilometres away and was busy tending to his mango orchard. During the mango season, we used to buy different varieties of mangoes from his orchard for ripening and pickling.

We paid visits to each other frequently in the initial years, but the intervals between visits increased as time slipped by. We had not even seen each other for a few years now. The news of his death was, to say the least, shocking, and I blamed myself for remaining aloof, though he was equally guilty. Though one death makes me resolve not to repeat the mistake, I am soon back to square one. 

That is the case with relatives and childhood friends too. When I plan my annual visit to my native place I make a mental list of all those who should be visited, but once there, all intentions fall wayside and leave several homes unvisited. When I meet old friends and relatives, the old warmth is still there, and time seems to have stood still since our last meeting. While exchanging news I learn about many of our childhood friends who have either died, committed suicide, left for greener pastures, or become mega-rich and beyond the reach of the ordinary folk.

Now and then I come across posts on social media, quoting the wise, urging us not to postpone things. One says, “Why wait till my death to shed tears? Why fill my room with fragrance when my nostrils are stuffed with cotton wool? Why tussle with others to have a last look at my face, instead of spending some time with me when I languished in loneliness and craved for a company?”

Though keeping in touch with each other is so easy these days with gadgets that provide easy and cheap phone calls, both voice and video, numerous social media, and other avenues, we tend to be lax and go on postponing things. We eulogise the dead but are misers with our words while they are alive. Deaths shake us but fail to change our behaviour for long.

How true is the adage, “Out of sight, out of mind”!


IDhar UDHAR

Idhar Udhar