THURSDAY, MAY 09, 2024
ANISHA FRANCIS
PANJIM: Amidst the bustle and excitement of getting her daughter married, Usha Naik says she did not realise she was shattering a patriarchal practice and setting an example for the rest of her community. Earlier this month, Usha, whose husband passed away in 2021, performed the religious rituals at the wedding of her daughter, Dr Gautami.
In Hindu culture, widows participating in auspicious ceremonies like weddings and even in regular rituals, is still a taboo and is considered ‘unlucky’. The rituals traditionally performed by the bride’s parents would be done by an uncle, if her father was no more.
However, Gautami Naik, a doctor, who was also marrying a doctor, Prathamesh Dicholkar, insisted that there would be no wedding unless her mother performed the rituals. “I was initially hesitant, I tried a lot to convince her but she was insistent that I perform the rituals. The rest of my family was also very positive, including my mother-in-law, and so was the groom’s family. There was absolutely no pushback,” says Usha.
“It did not feel like I was asking for anything outlandish. If a bride’s mother is no more, the father is allowed to perform the wedding rituals alone. So, it was a normal thing to want my mother performing the rituals,” says Dr Gautami. Her late father, Yograj Naik, was a celebrated sitar player and Hindustani musician.
“He was very open-minded, and always looked for logic in things,” she says, confident that she took the right call, and is perhaps the first in Goa to do so. “It is an age-old practice to exclude widows from happy occasions, and even if people’s mindsets have evolved, there are possibly still some inhibitions due to tradition, and the worry of ‘what will people say?’. This is changing, going by all the appreciative messages and calls we have been receiving after the wedding,” adds the newly-wed.
Her husband Prathamesh Dicholkar’s family was also completely on-board. “My husband lost his father quite recently, and immediately agreed to have my mother performing the rituals- his family was very supportive,” she added.
The only problem was that the family was unable to find a priest in Goa who was willing to perform the ceremony with Usha participating in the religious rituals. “There were priests open to it, but they wanted to add some rituals because she is a widow and I wasn’t keen on that. This is quite common in Maharashtra, and we asked two female priests from there to perform the wedding rituals. It was a really nice ceremony as they also explained the reason behind each ritual, and the meaning of the mantras they were reciting in Sanskrit, so we could also understand them,” says Gautami.
“We did not expect this to spread this way,” says Usha, who is a popular Radio Jockey at All India Radio. She was flooded with calls from friends and strangers, congratulating her for breaking stereotypes.
“I was too busy to think about it. Since it was my daughter’s wish, I just went ahead with it. Due to superstitious beliefs in some places, widows even stay away from their children’s weddings. But the times are changing,” she says.
Leader of Opposition Yuri Alemao says that a new era begins in Goa with Usha’s progressive step of performing the wedding rituals of her daughter.
“I hope the step taken by the young girl Dr Gautami will push the government two steps further to bring in a law against widow discrimination in the coming session of the Assembly,” says Alemao. “Let every woman be part of our customs and rituals,” he added.
