I recently came across this super post on social media, by a friend who was meeting her brother on New Year's eve to celebrate their relationship as siblings. 'To the enemy of my childhood' it said. It was accompanied by their picture that was such a wonderful expression of sibling affection. The quote immediately struck a chord and I remembered my own relationship with my only sibling and sister and how our childhood ‘enmity’, like most sibling-bonds, turned into one of adult or middle age affection.
Savika was the enemy of my childhood whenever she sweetly bullied me into giving her my share of chocolates. And it happened every time, on Sunday, our day of treats or privileges. And that was not all. There were ice-creams and cakes and cookies that disappeared from my hands too! She would simply make these soft eyes and coax me saying she was bigger and plumper, so she needed more to gorge on and how all these sweets were her favourite and how I was so kind and adaptable that I could very well manage without!
We were both naughty, doing what all children do best. We were both mischievous but she was the one always getting caught! So inadvertently she was the black sheep while I always got the medal. When we were both late from playing in the evening and couldn’t make the cutoff at 7pm, she was the one getting a reprimand while I was going scot-free! If we were exploring the hills and fields around our colony or neighbourhood, she was the one getting a dressing down for reaching back late and not informing about our whereabouts! If the house was in a mess, the main door not properly locked, again it was my sister who would be held responsible. During the rains I loved catching tiny frogs in the puddles along our way back from school and I would stuff them in my raincoat pockets while my sister patiently waited for me to catch up. Our parents were both working and while we had sweet Josephin with us till we were 10 yrs, Savika would again get more reminders and reprimands from Josephin for not being responsible enough when we got home late with my pockets laden with the croaking and slimy green amphibians.
I didn’t quite like it. I felt terrible to be in a situation where she was always shouted at, but I suppose that’s the way siblings grow and parents unintentionally have made certain judgements that could stick for life
It is unfortunate that there is this comparison that most parents inadvertently resort to. One is better in studies, the other is not. One is better at this and the other is not. But you see, she was good, nay damn good at so many things that I was not! She was a super singer while I could barely croak, she was passionate about music and Michael Jackson. She would write all the lyrics of most of her favourite songs in beautiful calligraphy. She would be an ace in any DIY stuff at home, she was literally the handy-girl about the house repairing gadgets, re-fixing stuff, experimenting with all the electrical conduits, rigging up the Christmas tree and making the crib. You name it and anything and everything that needed repairs would get fixed. And most of all she was the big sister taking care of me, looking out for me and largely sharing a camaraderie like all older siblings do despite the judgements passed by adults!
In our college days with different routines, our differences too were more discernable. We grew intolerant of sharing most things. We would have petty fights over clothes and shoes, etc. But there were also times we would be inseparable like the time when we planned to watch horror movies over a couple of weeks during holidays.
We both had our phases of rebellion but while misunderstandings pushed us apart, there were many circumstances that helped us be together and mend our ways. A routine that is common with all family ties and relationships.
As we grew older, settled down, began working and got married and our families grew, all our differences seemed to melt away. Our parents too had a role to play in this emotional bonding. They seemed to work magic in the way they treated us equally, as we turned into adults. Every time we had a misunderstanding or we complained about each other, they would reiterate that forgiveness was critical. Even to this day, if either of us complains about the other to our mom, she quietly and patiently says to us, ‘Look, I love you both. I need you both to be together. Don’t tell me any negative thoughts about each other.’ These magic words begin to help us understand the other with a different perspective.
While I constantly grew up thinking that I was perhaps better at so many things, my sister broke all limitations and misconceptions in all her adult life teaching me subtle lessons that I could never learn otherwise.
She proved a hero as she raised a premie born at 6.5 months and put my own expectations and capabilities to shame. She emulated that one can be a bridge in every relationship as she forged her bonds with her in-laws and extended family. She baffled me when she led by example in taking care of her father-in-law and our Papa in their last days.
We may have been estranged for some period of time in our emotional bonds but she did not let the childhood and college time intolerance dictate our chords as we raised our own children and families and allowed wisdom and the learning from failures to enhance our relationship.
Her experiences, failings led her to finding God and spiritual strength and this in turn led me to find a similar path when challenges came into my own life. While she egged me on, with her usual loud shout, that she would never leave my side in times of trouble, she also softly whispered to listen to the voice of my conscience and seek God in times of distress.
She has now become one of my many angels not for the sake of demonstrating blood relationships or family solidarity but of always allowing me to follow freely the path of truth and righteousness.
This is a tribute to all you angels- sisters, brothers and siblings! The enemies of our childhood!
practicing architect in Goa)