JOHN MALVINO ALFONSO
#“When will you get married? Your brother wants to get married. Are you aware of it? Why are you such a ‘vojem’ (burden) to us?” With such words, a mother insults her daughter.
#Ashok worked honestly in a company. Seeing his integrity, his colleagues said to him, “Instead of lightening our burdens, you are only making them heavier.”
#Sally, a newlywed, entered a family where unimaginable things were happening before her arrival. This situation became a challenge for Sally. Being a virtuous woman, she remained firm in her decision not to follow their ways, resisting their pressure. “You are a ‘vojem’ (burden) to us,” they said, and threw her out of the house.
When we hear the word “vojem,” it reminds us of a time when vojem were brought during weddings or other festivals. This practice still continues in some places. If we reflect on our past social and family life, we remember going to the forest to gather firewood. Often, it felt heavy when we carried it on our heads, but we still delivered the weighty firewood home. The term ‘vojem’ is used to describe something that feels heavy or burdensome.
Who is considered a burden, and by whom? When do we become a burden to others? In families, it’s not uncommon for members to be seen as burdens for various reasons. Not everything happens the way we expect, and people do not always behave as we want them to. When others do not conform to our expectations, we often view them as burdens. If their actions differ from ours, we may even consider them adversaries. This mindset extends beyond families—within organisations, a person who is not highly productive but behaves well may still be seen as a burden.
Let’s take a closer look at the incidents above. A mother sees her unmarried daughter as a burden. This is strange. Every individual has the right to choose their own path in life. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, so decisions about it should be made carefully. If a mother does not understand this, or seeks to impose her authority on her child, she must introspect. Many of us dislike people who follow an authentic path, and, as seen in Ashok's case, this can lead to suffering. Sally faced similar consequences when she was thrown out of the house for her refusal to conform.
Living authentically means facing the consequences of our choices. While we may not act with the hope of a reward, we must embrace the reality that authenticity may invite judgment. What is wrong with living an authentic life?
Our lifestyle and choices may shape how others view us. While some may feel intimidated or uncomfortable with our authenticity, it is not our responsibility to conform to their expectations. The real challenge is not to become a burden or obstacle to others by failing to align our actions with our true self. This is not always easy to do, but it is possible.
Living authentically may invite judgment, but it is essential for personal growth and integrity. While others may view us as burdens for not conforming to their expectations, we must remain true to ourselves and trust that authenticity will ultimately lead to fulfillment. The key is to live authentically without burdening others with our actions