As a kid, I remember my dad telling me that the grass is always greener on the other side of the
fence. Since we lived in an apartment, I wondered which fence he was referring
to. We had a boundary wall but no fence, and none of the neighbouring houses
had a lawn. I let the matter rest, until this idiom came up again. I came to realise the true depth of this
idiom on one occasion when a couple of friends, separately complained to me and
compared their own lives with each other’s. Each thought the other lived a
happier life. In reality, both were burdened by their share of troubles.
When we compare our lives to
others’, we may feel that the ‘bad’ people seem to have it all and we, the
‘good’ people (which may be debatable) suffer endlessly. We label the happier
ones, who seem to have it all, as the ‘lucky’ ones, born with a silver spoon.
But that’s not the truth.
Looking back at our own lives, as
children we were in a rush to grow up. We thought life would be more fun once
in college. Even after getting into college, we were not satisfied because we
were in a tearing hurry to start earning. Once we started earning, we started
comparing our work load with that of others and felt discontented with our lot:
pay was not good enough, or the job profile was boring, or the colleagues were
unhelpful…
Feeling caved in by our
responsibilities, we wistfully looked back at our growing years and wished to
have them back.
Even with marriage, when single we
think the married ones are lucky and once married, we envy those single.
It is a never ending cycle…the
grass remains greener on the other side, no matter where you stand. If you get
to your neighbour’s side, the grass on your own lawn starts to look greener. That
is because we mostly judge people and their lives based on appearances. We
rarely have complete insight into their lives and challenges.
For example, this conversation
between two friends:
Friend#1: You’re so lucky, you
have high IQ, went to a top ranking college, and have an enviable job. You will
probably accomplish more by the time you’re 30, than I will in my entire life.
Friend#2: Lucky? I wish I was as good at sports as you.
Since other kids made fun of me when I tried playing football, I gave up.
Instead, I concentrated on what I was good at – studies. I have been lonely
most of my life. I think you are luckier; at least you have friends. Even if we do get an insight into others’
lives, we downplay their problems. And if someone made us realise that they
find the grass greener on our side, we downplay our positives and deem our
troubles to be bigger than they seem.
Either way, the grass is actually the same, no matter where you stand…it just LOOKS greener there, which is not the same as BEING greener.