A four-part series, British crime drama, 'Adolescence‘ is created by Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham and directed by Philip Barantini. The story revolves around Jamie Miller, who is a well-mannered, 13-year-old schoolboy in England. He is arrested on charges of murdering another 14-year-old girl from his school. The series is also earning rave reviews for its gripping one-shot storytelling and stellar performances.
One cannot blame just parents, the school or friends as the main point of the series is that there is no one factor that can be blamed. It mainly addresses bullying in school and the kind of misogyny that is inculcated into boys nowadays. However, it is not his father but the internet. Which begs the question of who's raising kids nowadays?
There is this mass of information out there, which is shaping a child with a world of weird language. Whether on social media or while playing games online, who are they chatting with in those chat rooms. It is good to be careful. But how careful can one be nowadays?
The impact of content posting
Fr Ramiro Luis, assistant professor, Psychology, St Xavier's College, Mapusa, has seen the change in the students since they have been using social media. Unfortunately, he agrees that a parent can’t deny the mobile to their child, which later leads to bigger problems. “They are totally weak emotionally, vulnerable and don't want to achieve things. Everything is happening on the phone. There is too much of comparison taking place where they are comparing with what the other person is not. The person is posting an unreal image of himself/herself and the others are getting influenced with that. They feel that they are less and missing out on life. Anything from travel, food and even snacks are put online which are these micro moments that have an impact. There is a lot of jealousy, depression among the classmates and you can make out when something is going wrong in the class,” says Fr Ramiro.
Though colleges have seminars and trainings on cybersecurity and cyberbullying, it is still affecting students as well as parents. “Parents are only complaining that their children are involved with the mobile. They are not getting an answer and their grades are also getting affected. Whether we want to use the phone or not, we have to use it. We only have given it to them,” says Fr Ramiro.
The bonding between parent and child
Jerry Dias is a father to three young daughters, with the youngest being 17 years old. While he is working on a cruise line across the world, he is still as much in touch with his daughters. “I enforce conditions online and give them examples to make sure they understand why I do it. They only listen to me 50 percent of the time. They can’t do without their phones. The youngest one does share more about her problems, which she faces online. They are usually affected by eating habits, health and safety online, but they keep me informed. They share live location all the time they are out especially alone even if it’s in the day and they don’t go outside the house after 8 pm.
When I’m home on holidays, we all hangout wherever they like,”
says Jerry.
The disconnect between parents and children
Aileen De Souza is the head of Mental Health programme at Sethu - Centre for Child Development and Family Guidance. She says, “Social media can contribute to a widening gap between parents and children when both spend a lot of time online, they may be less present when it comes to family activities or face-to-face interactions. The changing parent-child relationship needs to be viewed in the larger context of changing lifestyles as well.”“Many parents are becoming aware of the impact of social media on their child's mental health, recognizing risks like cyberbullying, body image issues and low self-esteem. However, some parents may underestimate the effects due to lack of knowledge or even normalization of online culture as just another part of growing up, not recognizing the pressures it can pose to mental health,” explains Aileen.
The control buttons
Over the last 12 years, Myron Estibeiro has his business model that revolves around ethical hacking for tech giants, consulting and education. In education, they hold seminars and online courses for schools and colleges. “We do a lot of trainings and seminars for students and parents as well on cyber hygiene, do's and don'ts, when you give phones to your kids. If you are using WhatsApp for a child, what are the essentials and preventive controls before giving the phone to the child,
so that they are protected,” explains Myron.
In worst case scenario, parents can also have monitoring controls through content management, “As a parent, you get to see what type of content they are watching, where they are going, you can see their location, you can track them in terms of like, how many hours they are on the phone, and if they are using the phone, what type of activity they are doing. Recently, we were approached by a parent who has a very stubborn kid. He was in 10th standard. She wanted to have a bird's eye view for two months before the board exams what her son was doing. So we set it up for her and walked her through the steps, like how she can see at any given point of time where her son was with exact pinpoint location,” informs Myron.