Alisha Martins
Let’s get real and straight to the point—why do relationships fail?
Yes, complications, uncertainties, doubts, miscommunication, and a host of other reasons can lead us there. Right? I came across a very useful reel once that explained this quite simply—or at least, it spoke clearly to me. Mind you, you may need to read this twice to fully understand it. We wish to remain in relationships—of any type: parental, romantic, or friendly—with one person, and strive to make them last, so long as they fulfill our every emotional and physical need. We seek love and care from our parents; we don’t expect it from everyone else. We expect them to provide, guide, understand, and be okay with everything we do. Similarly, in a romantic relationship, we want one individual to remain faithful to us, be our friend, match our level of creativity, understanding, and financial stability. We want them to either reflect the qualities we possess or fill the gaps we know we don’t want to leave empty.
And this—this is when relationships fail. We expect ONE person to give us EVERYTHING.
For instance, consider why one employee's skillset is different from another in a company. If a company could run solely on the shoulders of one individual and still meet its goals, why would it hire different professionals with specific qualifications and skills? We often forget this simple reality: we are human, with varying capacities and desires. Now, as you read this, you might be thinking, “No, in a marital relationship, there’s no place for a third person or a fourth, and fulfilling each other’s needs is the duty of both partners.” That’s true—absolutely true—because we’re nurtured in a culture, supported by various religions that considers a relationship with one individual as holy, right, and safe. But how does one find all the expected qualities in one person and make them fit seamlessly into our lives? It’s much like expecting one electrical socket to fit into another—it just doesn’t work that way. Makes sense? Say one person is an extrovert and ends up with someone more reserved. It may appear that their differences drew them together. But if one tries to change the other’s personality, that’s when the real problem begins. Change may sound good to one person’s ears, but it can damage what could’ve been a very enjoyable, evolving relationship.
Psychological theories suggest that expecting one person to fulfill all our emotional needs can create imbalance. We’re naturally meant to rely on a network of support—not just one individual. And trying to change someone often disrupts the healthy tension between individuality and togetherness that relationships actually need to thrive. Honestly, I believe that for any relationship to work, both individuals must commit to staying true and open with each other, keeping things clear, and sharing their differences to build something new. As long as that strengthens the relationship, there’s no reason for it to fail. In the end, maybe the key isn’t finding the perfect person—but building an honest, imperfect connection that makes space for growth, not pressure.