SAMIR NAZARETH
Today, one is accosted with enigmatic responses like ‘living my best life’ and ‘loving myself’ to prosaic questions such as ‘how are you? ’It is hard not to notice that though such replies are couched in comparative and superlative terms, they are opaque, revealing nothing of the individual. They also appear to invite further enquiry, but the listener is satisfied and is able to relate to the speaker gleaning more than what the words seemingly portray. Human connections are formed on the basis of this.
There is no attempt to explain or delve further into these statements as a way to get to know the person. For example, no one is curious enough to ascertain what ‘living my best life’ is being compared with – another person, the past or the future. Nor does the speaker explain the rationale behind the claim - life being lived currently is the best. Similarly, ‘loving myself’ doesn’t lead to explanations or queries such as ‘why now?’, ‘how?’, and ‘why weren’t you loving yourself earlier?’
The only difference between ‘I am living my best life’ and ‘I am happy’ or ‘I am enjoying my life’ is the former’s comparativeness and superlativeness. Similarly, ‘loving myself’ is no different from ‘finding time for myself’, ‘finding balance in life’, ‘me time’ and so-on. However, ‘loving myself’ exudes an intensity and gravitas that other efforts do not evoke.
‘Living my best life’ and ‘loving myself’ communicate exuberant positivity and control. Interestingly, such terms are part of the new age focus on, and demand for, authenticity and vulnerability in self-expression. Today, these are considered desirable virtues in business and personal relationships.
Cambridge dictionary defines authenticity as ‘the quality of being real or true’. Psychologically speaking, authenticity is linked to human identity. It ‘expresses the degree of a person's self-identity and, at the same time, it shows how much his behaviour towards his surroundings is connected with his self-concept.’ It includes behaving congruently to one’s values, beliefs, motives and personality.
Vulnerability, means a weakness that is therefore open to attack. But in today’s world it connotes willingness to show one’s emotions, thoughts and beliefs.
Before the era of authenticity and vulnerability, there was the epoch of ‘be true to who you are’ aka ‘be yourself’, and before that was the ‘be truthful’ age. The former idea was about the individual accepting who s/he was, while the latter inculcated the value of honesty. Though truthfulness and honesty are personal traits they have societal implications.
It is said, authenticity and vulnerability facilitate and enrich human interaction. But they are audience focussed and driven. Unfortunately, as there is no everyday scale to measure authenticity and vulnerability, listeners and viewers become judge, jury and executioner.
The demand for authenticity and vulnerability fulfils a basic human desire of inquisitiveness and relatability and storytelling. Wanting to know ‘what makes a person tick’, ‘their strengths and weaknesses’, ‘what the individual is struggling with’ then becomes ways to find common ground. They also build a mirror in which the audience sees the speaker as their reflection. If one perceives the other as no different from ones’ self, then individuals become relatable, accessible and their actions become understandable, acceptable and on occasion forgivable. A consequence of making others relatable is that it quenches any curiosity.
Is it any wonder that everyone from CEO’s and those in management to everyday people are receiving training on authentic and vulnerable self-expression?
Here are some ways to exude authenticity and vulnerability - sharing personal experiences, maintaining eye contact, admitting uncertainty, apologising sans justifications, seeking support, giving undivided attention during conversations. Surprisingly, these are not new behaviours.
Probably, today’s world of short attention spans makes honesty, truthfulness and integrity no longer easy to accept and live by. Therefore, someone had to come up with an alternative that could cater and satisfy diverse audiences in a way that suggested they were being focussed on. Authenticity and vulnerability are digestible as they are communication techniques that cater to specific audiences to attract and disarm them. Could authenticity and vulnerability be burnished synonyms for honesty, truthfulness and integrity?
Would one want a shopkeeper to sell a product at the correct price, or would a marked-up price be acceptable if he shares his personal problems? Authenticity and vulnerability may evoke empathy however, honesty ensures fairness. Does communicating authenticity and vulnerability ensure integrity?
Which brings us back to ‘living my best life’ and ‘loving myself’. Arguably, these are confidence boosting self-affirming statements. In today’s context, are these very loud attempts at being authentic and vulnerable? While this may be an attempt to make oneself relatable, the subconscious wants the self to stand out. Thus, a differentiator is created by using the term ‘best’ which is superlative and comparative. Similarly, ‘loving myself’ connotes high levels of self-awareness - something not everyone may have. Therefore, they become potentially aspirational and not necessarily relatable. Is it any wonder then ‘inspiring’ is the much-abused response to such sharing? This is not surprising when one lives in a fast-moving world of distractions, and the individual desire to make the most of each moment is glorified and motivated by the scary truth of You Only Live Once (YOLO).
As there is no one kind of human connection and human space, does one size of authenticity and vulnerability fit all? I think not, as these are motive and audience driven. If so, how authentic and vulnerable are authenticity and vulnerability? One is reminded of Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’ where Jaques says ‘All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts…’ While Jacques speaks of life’s stages, the acceptance of the performative relatability of authenticity and vulnerability asks whether the desire to make connections makes us actors playing roles expected of us? If this is a way to hold or get attention where does truth lie?
(Samir Nazareth is an author and writes on
socio-economic and
environmental issues)