John Malvino Alfonso
She walked into the church office, clearly upset. “You know, those children threw a ball at me! Don’t they have any manners?” she said with frustration. A Brother who was sitting there gently asked her to take a seat. “Why should I sit? I’ve come to complain! Where is the Parish Priest?” she asked, still angry. “The Vicar will be here soon,” the Brother said calmly. “He’ll come? But when?” she asked sharply. “It would be nice if you could sit for a while,” he said kindly. After a moment, she sat down, but her anger hadn’t gone.
In our daily lives, we carry expectations. We plan, hope and assume that things will go a certain way. But when life doesn’t follow our plan, we feel disturbed. Our moods shift and often, so does the way we speak and act. Like changing outfits, we suddenly switch our tone and attitude. At times, we blurt out words we don’t mean. We stop trying to understand others and focus only on our own disappointment.
Take Jenita’s story, for example. She was her mother’s only daughter, working in a city call center. Her mother sent her to college with love and many pieces of advice. She hoped Jenita would follow a good path. But Jenita fell in love, left home, and broke her mother’s expectations. Shocked and hurt, her mother filed a police complaint and brought her back home. But instead of talking calmly, she scolded her harshly and said things in anger. As a result, Jenita left home again—and this time, for good. Her mother was left feeling abandoned and heartbroken.
What went wrong? Just expectations. We all want our children to have a good future. That’s natural. But sometimes, we push our own dreams onto them. We forget that they also have their own hopes and choices. When they don’t do what we expect, we get angry or disappointed. But is that fair?
Both the stories above teach us something: when our expectations aren’t met, we often react badly. The mother in Jenita’s story wanted her daughter to follow her way of life. But when that didn’t happen, she didn’t know how to handle it.
Having expectations is not wrong. But holding on to them too tightly can hurt us—and others. What if someone behaves differently from what we expect? The situation itself may not be a problem. The real issue is how we respond. Our minds tell us, “They should act like me.” That stubborn thinking leads to pain.
We need to train our minds to accept that people are different. Many of us think, “They should do what I say.” But shouldn’t we also try to be understanding, to adjust, and to spread happiness? If we are willing to change, and if we are open to asking for help—like from a counsellor—we give ourselves a chance to grow and feel better.
Everyone wants to be happy. But we often block our own happiness by building walls made of judgment, pride, and expectation. We think we’re always right, and in doing so, we ignore others’ feelings. To stay mentally healthy, we need to be open—not just to being understood, but to understanding others too.
In the end, we must ask ourselves: Is our attitude helping us—or hurting us?