Ruth Gibbins, sister of the late One Direction member Liam Payne, shared an emotional Instagram tribute six months after his October 2024 death, describing her grief as "impossible".
"6 months, half a year without you? My head is still screaming for you. Each morning on waking, I feel like I am plunged underwater, gasping for air that never comes to relieve me. Living without you is impossible, so for now, I exist. I'm learning to laugh or smile in the right places, but mate, it's exhausting when all I want to do is speak to you."
"In the few moments I allow myself to feel love and not just loss, I can really smile at memories of us, like last year when we were doubled over laughing at us trying to make something we'd seen on YouTube. But memories are always tinged with sadness at how unfair it is that we can't make new ones."
"I can sometimes hear you laughing at me walking around like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost, looking for you everywhere I go," she wrote. "I see you, though, you’re always coming through in different ways to put me back on the right path. I can’t process what’s happened and the finality of it. You know I will never stop doing all I can for you. I miss you loudly, quietly, and in all the moments in between. Love you so much more than these words or my tears are capable of expressing, but I know you know this. For now, I’ll meet you in my dreams," she added.
Payne, who died after falling from a Buenos Aires hotel balcony, had toxicology reports revealing alcohol, cocaine, and antidepressants in his system. His death was ruled accidental "polytrauma" by a UK investigation team.
Payne's funeral, which took place on November 20, 2024, at St. Mary’s Church in Amersham, Buckinghamshire, was attended by all four of his former One Direction bandmates, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, and Zayn Malik, along with his close family. His ex-partner, Cheryl Tweedy (with whom he shared a son, Bear), was also there.