Sandhya Vasudev
Do children ask to be born? Parents beget children for their own happiness and sense of well being or sometimes due to the pressure of elders of the family. That said once the kid is helplessly let loose in the world it behoves the duty of the parents to do their best to provide the child a good and secure upbringing with sound values, a moderate to good education, and make him capable of fending for himself as an adult.
We as humans can take a lesson or two from the non-thinking animates, animals.The young is protected and nourished until it becomes able and then the separation happens, with no accompaniment of the usual pangs. Can we human beings be like this? Obviously no, as we are thinking intelligent animals and nurture emotional bonds that run deep. But again to a little extent, yes, to the effect that parents could let go of the ‘dependency’ on their children which most claim as a matter of right.
Bhagavad Gita advises us to do our duty without expectation, and the sincere performance of the duty is the reward in itself. So the parents should also perform their duty towards children and leave it at that. The table turns around to the child who should now become aware of his duty through the noble virtue ‘gratitude’. If the children – no gender differentials please – feel that their parents have done a good duty by them, then naturally they will have a rising sense of gratitude which will push them to do something good for their parents. If not, they may not feel inclined to do much but feel crushed by a sense of guilt imposed by society.
From the last generation it is seen that parents generally treat and educate their children on equal standards, irrespective of whether it is a son or daughter. Scriptures may have ordained that it behoves a son’s duty to take care of aging parents. But that may have applied to the then generations where daughters were married off with little or no education and the son given all the importance, as the dedicated legal and moral ‘heir’. Much water has flowed under the bridge since then, and this age old concept which holds no relevance now is still given all importance by a few daughters who wish to sideline their duty towards the aging mother or father, who would have, in many instances cared more for them than for the sons, in their prime years. If it was the parental property, most daughters, I write ‘most – like many others I too fall under the exception category – would have fought tooth and nail for their share, but when it comes to their parents, they shove the responsibility on the brothers.
As a worthy author had noted, a son is no doubt loyal, but he becomes more bound by his obligations towards the needs of his wife and children, in the process of building his own nest. Additionally it is common for any parent to feel more comfortable with the daughter rather than the daughter in law at their service. Most daughters bless them, seem to realise this. But a wakeup call is in order for the recalcitrant ones, to notify them that it is payback time.
