It’s fun running a company! It gives you immense satisfaction, power, status and money (hopefully!) to name a few. Yet, it’s not fun all the time. There are the numerous tough decisions to be made and those anxious moments when things are moving in the direction, opposite from the one you want them to. There are periods of high pressure and a constant feeling of responsibility. Sometimes it has dangerous consequences, like the recent suicide of the Coffee Day founder.
While managing all these pressures, one significant issue you will face is loneliness at the top. A feeling of isolation that’s felt by the top person in almost every organisation. It’s equally felt by the CEO of a large, established organisation or an entrepreneur just starting up. A recent CEO survey reported that over half of the CEOs surveyed admitted being lonely. And 60% of those admitted that it affected their performance. Despite having numerous employees to talk to, there are few, if any, with whom they can really share. Share their anxiety or help them take some of those tough decisions. Apple has 1,23,000 employees and yet Tim Cook says its lonely being the CEO.
It’s not surprising that a business leader does not look to employees for sharing. It puts the leader in a position of vulnerability. That s/he is not in total control of things. From an employee’s perspective, speaking their mind to their boss might not always be their highest priority. They’ll balance what they think, with what they think the boss wants to hear. With the right organisational culture, this ‘say what the boss wants to hear’ will reduce. Yet, many employees will think twice before questioning the boss on, for example, key elements of strategy. And bosses, at least those who recognise reality, know that.
For a family business leader, the added complication is family members working in your company. The same people you meet with and interact with at home. You might not want to burden a family member with your deepest thoughts on the state of your business. Or you feel like the family member might respect you less for your insecurities. That can be ego-crushing. None of us wants to appear inadequate and not on top of things. Especially to a family member. This is true, albeit to a lesser extent, even for businesses other than family businesses.
Being an active member of industry and other associations can seem like a good way out of this loneliness. And some of these organizations do a great job at providing a platform for experience sharing. Yet, there’s only so much you can share in front of any group larger than 5 people. Industry associations are great platforms to network with people in your industry or region. But their key utility is in highlighting the great job your company is doing. Or in providing you with a platform for policy advocacy. Sharing existential or other challenges on such a platform might not be a very good idea.
So how do you make life less lonely at the top? Here are two options for you to consider. Both options involve getting a business leader access to a person / group whom they can speak to. Someone who is a sounding board for new ideas. Someone who aids the business leader in making key decisions.
Option 1: The professional gang.
This involves forming a group of 3-5 like-minded leaders. Meet regularly to share success, failure and challenges. Sharing here means the ‘whole truth’. It’s easy to share triumphs. Not so easy to share failure and challenges.
Guard against constituting a gang of your best buddies. Your best buddies might be great company for dinner and for having fun together. Yet, they might not be in the best position or might simply not be capable of advising you on business. And some of the same things which make it difficult to share challenges with your family are equally applicable to sharing with your best buddies.
The best people to choose as part of a professional gang are business leaders in non-competing businesses. People who you know professionally, whose businesses are doing well and whom you respect for the way they do business. Try to get leaders who are leading businesses which are doing some things you are struggling to do in your business. For example, if your marketing (or lack of it) worries you, get a leader whose business does marketing brilliantly. That said, don’t form a group of people whose businesses are significantly bigger than yours. They’re on their own journey. And you need someone to share with in this instance. Not someone you are in awe of.
Option 2: Get a coach/advisor.
Get someone who can ask you the right questions and hold a mirror up to you on an ongoing basis. This has its pros and cons. Prior to engaging with a coach or advisor, you probably won’t know them as well as you know other business leaders. And you’ll be less certain that you can trust them. So, a big con is that you need to take a larger leap of faith to engage a coach / advisor. The other con is that a coach / advisor involves a financial investment. A ‘professional gang’ is mostly free.
The pro is that an advisor brings professionalism into the relationship. There’s a transactional aspect to the relationship. If you are scheduled to meet your coach, you’ll meet. The coach would be entirely focused on your outcomes. Outcomes such as helping you make those crucial decisions. Or helping you understand those small issues which are having a large impact on your performance. So, there is a direct alignment of your and the coach / advisors objectives. The reason you are hiring the coach is to meet your outcomes. And it is in the best interest of the coach to give you fruitful advice that helps you meet those outcomes. Your success or failure is the coach’s success or failure.
In both options (professional gang or coach/advisor), you need to try and make sure the people involved are those
• Who will maintain confidentiality. What you say stays with them
• Who will not hurt you or take advantage of your vulnerabilities
• Who can have a frank dialogue with you. This means you don’t need someone who talks down to you. Equally, you don’t need someone who is in awe of you
• Who provide counsel rather than pass judgement. And can keep their ego aside while speaking with you
In both options, you also need to let yourself be vulnerable. You never know whether you can trust someone, without trusting them in the first place. Follow your gut and check references to know who you can trust. And once you decide, be free and frank with them.
To conclude, in case you feel lonely at the top, you’re not alone! A good proportion of people at the top feel that way. It’s important to recognise it and do something about it. That can take away a lot of the stress and help your and your businesses perform better.
