One lady asked the other about her daughter-in-law. The
mother-in-law complained, “Oh! What will happen to her? She is hale and hearty.
It is me you should enquire about. My daughter-in-law is only interested in her
career. She comes late from work and wakes up just in time to rush to her
office. I have to cook all the meals. My poor son helps me in the kitchen. Not
just that, he has to take her to restaurants, parties and malls every weekend.
What a demanding daughter-in-law I’ve got!”
Sorry for her, the lady now enquired about her married
daughter. To that the mother-in-law happily replied, “My daughter is so happy.
We married her well. My son-in-law caters to her every whim. He takes her to
fine dining restaurants, malls and long drives on weekends. He also helps out
with the cooking. In fact, he has told his mother that she must cook all the
meals and that my daughter will not waste her time in the kitchen, because her
career is more important.”
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To an outsider, the paradox is apparent, but the speaker
does not realise it because s/he has separate standards of behaviour for others
and herself/himself. While it may seem a rare phenomenon, when one reads about
it, all of us do fall into this trap. Need some more examples to be convinced
of it?
Someone who overtook you brashly this morning is a bad
driver and needs to have her/his license revoked. If YOU overtake brashly it is
okay because you are in a hurry and have an important meeting to attend.
When others make a mistake, they are careless and
irresponsible. But you erred because you were feeling unwell and fatigued, and
hence not at your attentive most.
If others hurt you with their harsh words, they are being
mean. They should have thought about your ‘sensitive’ feelings before being
acerbic. You hurt others with your harsh words – that was not your intention,
you were just being honest. And if honesty hurts, oh well, truth is bitter
isn’t it?
Our lives are filled with such myriad examples. We do it all
the time, without exception. Why? Because we are aware of our own thoughts and
emotions. We can justify our actions in our mind. Where others are concerned,
we rarely give them a benefit of doubt or an opportunity to explain themselves.
A judgment on their character is delivered instantaneously and we are ready to play
the ‘wronged one’ at the drop of a hat. If we were to find out the reason for
the other person’s behaviour, we may not be hurt so easily.
The protagonist in ‘Ghajini’ uses a system of photographs,
notes and tattoos to combat his handicap of short-term memory loss. We do not
need anything elaborate like that, all we do need is to tattoo ‘Give Others A
Benefit Of Doubt’ on our hearts and embed it in our behaviour.
