My senior friend asked me in fascination, eyes literally popping out, certain that all her doubts were confirmed and justified!
I smiled and responded that the only time I resorted to taking drugs was when my migraine persisted and that was when I popped a Crocin pill, with a lot of reluctance!
She began giggling and clarified that she could not believe that I was always on a high, always happy and smiling, always super busy running between tasks and never tired.
I reminisced. Appearances can surely be deceptive. I do crash at the end of the day completely exhausted. I do feel dizzy spells on days when I’m feeling anemic. There are moments when I do want to tear my hair out and scream aloud. But yes I’m generally happy, always smiling and doing so many things, all things that I really enjoy, including my architectural and community work. But that’s because I truly choose to be happy. And that does not mean that I do not, like everybody else, face challenges every day or at every moment. And I surely don’t believe that drugs or any other substance can help alleviate or erase the negativities to make one better or happy!
The first time I heard about the use of drugs or drug abuse was when I was in school and there was a competition on speaking about drug abuse. I was keen to take part and simply researched about the topic in the local newspapers and finally presented the statistics during the event.
When I was in college the only time I heard about drugs was when my friends who were organising a rock show at the college were privy to musicians who may have been taking drugs. But again that was not something new as we had heard of musicians who may be trying their hand with alcohol, drugs and smoking! And the stories about how all of these enhance their creativity and music were rife!
It was only when I had graduated and was one evening hanging out with my friends that I had my first ‘taste’ of the ‘medicine’! My gang of friends at that time were meeting another of their long migrated pals who were doing the Goa leg and as usual a reunion was organised in Goa and I agreed to accompany. It was super to catch up, reminisce college days, gorge on dinner and then loll around as the usual buddies began their round of smoking and drinking. And the conversations began trailing. We were all ready to hit the sack. I had my corner and my friends, three guys, had the rest of the room. Two of them were fast asleep instantly. I was so groggy and ready to crash when my best friend, a guy, suddenly came very close to me and whispered in my ear. At first I did not quite understand what he was saying. But I looked closely. He seemed to be terrified, he was sweating profusely and there was a tremor in his voice. He continued saying, “You know I am scared, very scared. I am scared that these two will attack me and hurt me. And so can you please, please keep watch and make sure that you are alert.”
I was stumped. The other two friends were fast asleep on the mattress and looked as sweet as angels! And this one breathing down my neck looked harmless but had surely completely lost it, I thought! I silently nodded my head, not knowing what to make of it. And like a loyal friend, kept watch on the two angels who could turn into devils anytime. I heard some faint grinding of the teeth and some intermittent snoring but other than that, nothing. No blood curdling screams. I nonetheless stayed awake right through the night! I had promised right? Can you believe that? I can’t too and now when I recall it, feel like a complete fool!
It was a different and strange experience but only later I learnt that my friends were taking drugs and certain drugs are hallucinogens and can cause either a good or a bad experience depending on your psyche as a person. My conclusion: Not a good idea at all, not be conscious of what is happening to you and to be at the mercy of substances that could break you. And lose friends!
After this in the later years, I often would hear friends talking about others who would claim that drugs would enhance their creativity and therefore make them better designers and so on. My take was simply that we all are unique, with unique skill sets. All we have to do is use these skills. Both for our wellbeing and that of others in our community. If we become helpless to depend on substances to enhance our potential or our craft, there’s no end to it. We could keep believing anything and everything. But for how long? It’s a lie.
I had this beautiful experience recently. A couple of friends were on this site where my clients Muriel and Mario are building a mud house. And being Vipasana practitioners they exercise this surreal routine where every morning they sit with the team in the confluence space and mediate with all eyes closed. They begin the session calling all participants to be responsible and caring to the environment, to be humane. For newcomers they reiterate that they practise a no smoking and no drinking and no drugs policy simply because they want to be always conscious, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Conscious of all that they experience.
Vishal Rawlley, my collaborator with the Travelling Dome initiative, often shares his short experience with slum children on his earlier projects who would be addicted to smelling stuff like rubber solution glue and such, to get a high, to possibly overcome loneliness, suffering, pain of rejection or abandonment, etc. Some simply wanted to do this to be cool like the others. I have other friends and heads of institutions who are concerned about the rise in drug abuse and alcoholism/smoking among school and college kids in the hinterlands.
Kudos to Varun Carvalho, who often calls on youth to get high on music, on life and say no to drugs. He makes an example of himself as he talks about his own failings or flaws and how he overcame them to come out a winner. Like you, I too have failed not once but many times, I too have flaws. We all do. But the key is to focus on the positives. To give wings to our ideas, to try. I love life, I choose to be happy.
Say no to drugs.
(Tallulah D’Silva is a practising architect in Goa)
