From the east coast of Australia to
Goa, in the west coast of India is a very long journey. In the olden days when
flights were limited and unaffordable, a Australia based young expat Goan’s
connect with his grandparents would be limited to letters and the twice a year
phone call. Today Tanay, a young adult who has recently started earning and
moving towards independence, can take that long haul flight to spend time with
his ageing but sharp as a whistle granny as she gracefully prepares to live her
nineties, in the company of her grand and great-grandchildren. Tanay does this
each year in her birthday and at times manages one more. So does his sister
Tulika. The idea of a young man and his kid sister, who could well be exploring
the world but choose to spend an entire month with their grandmother is perhaps
the most befitting image of love, bonding and ties that join children to their
grandparents. On grandmothers day, it’s an image to hold on to.
Aryavrat Malhotra a student said he
was very close with his relatives in general but it was with his grandmother
with whom he was the closest. He said “She is very modern and very liberal and
it is always a pleasure to talk to her. She uses a lot of platforms on digital
media and is in constant touch with me. She usually stays in Punjab but is now
in the USA. We communicate regularly”. He said as a family they were in
constant touch with relatives but his grandmother was great to talk to. He said
she would enquire about his progress in college and whether he was happy. He
went on to say he was quite sure if a situation arose and he was not able to
talk to his parents about it, he would be able to talk to his grandmother about
it without any hesitation.
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The relationships across
generations can be different in tone and tenor. Sharlaine Menezes who
happens to be Goa’s only female rapper said she was missing her grandmother who
lived in Mormugao which was under lockdown. She said “I have taught my
grandmother how to make a video call so it is wonderful to see her while talking.
I only have her, she is great fun and liberal. I prefer to talk to her on
certain issues than even my parents. We as a family are very close to our
relatives”. She said this closeness was strengthened after an incident where
she along with her father visited an old age home and met with the inmates. She
said “I met them and I promised them that I would return to meet them. They
promptly told me to not make such promises because many others in the past had
said the same thing and never returned. I was left in tears. Now with this
lockdown, I cannot meet my grandmother, so that video calls are quite regular.
They are so loving”.
Shreeya Kudchadkar had a great
relationship with her grandfather who is now deceased. She said “He would hear
me out, he would keep quiet and not pass judgements. Yes, he would give me that
look which meant he did not agree but he would not say anything critical.”.
Lourenco Fernandes speaking about
his grandmother Rosa Maria Fernandes said she was a woman who had adapted to
changing times. He said she maintains that since times have changed, she
switched over from traditional games to electronic games but recalls playing
traditional games with her older grandchildren who have high regards to her and
enjoyed playing traditional games with her. Most of them, he said remember
spending their childhood days with her; sitting by her side as she ground
spices together in preparing mouth-watering dishes and pastries at the Bakery
which was a family business. Grandchild Selrina D Souza from Aldona recalls her
mother sending her to grandma’s house to recuperate. She said “It was a
different feeling to be with her. A variety of homemade dishes prepared
especially pork amsol which was succulent with right spices
and many more dishes were relished by us. We loved to visit her during summer
holidays, eat the ripe sweet mangoes, a visit to fields to harvest sweet
potatoes and watermelons and umpteen outings at Utorda beach and natural spring
at Verna”.
Perhaps Zainab Quadri put it best
when she said the earlier generation brought the family together. She said “I
grew up at my grandmothers’ side because my parents were working. My values and
discipline came from her. My uncles, aunties and cousins would all come to
meet her. My relationships with them were strengthened. All of us were united.
Now that she has gone, we don’t meet that much though the strong emotional
attachments still remain. That charm which was present earlier is now missing”.
On Grandmother’s day, spend some
time reflecting on the charm that an earlier generation brought to the plate
and strengthened family ties. Ignoring them could be a personal loss.
