Now the big guys have
ruled they will not allow any sort of visual depiction of what they deem
‘obscene’, at the carnival. Which means we can say bye to the hilarious
big-breasted Mario Miranda-type manly woman that makes an appearance ever year.
I’m going to miss him/her. It seems that as a society, we don’t know the
difference between pornography and reality and this ambiguity is messing up our
moral fabric. As usual, Bertie is here to save the day. What would you guys do
without me?
First of all, nobody can get in those
positions that they show in those questionable movies, that I have never seen,
ever. Seriously, do they not have knee joints? Even the Kamasutra has a little
disclaimer at the bottom that says ‘*Exaggerated for entertainment purposes
only. Try only under medical supervision’. The only way we could contort
ourselves that way is on some of our public buses. Or course, you cannot choose
your position or your partner. You take what you get.
If you enjoyed reading this article, you can help support our journalism by adding OHeraldo as a preferred source.
The situations in those movies are also
ridiculous. If a teacher says he or she’s going to teach you a lesson you will
never forget, it usually involves conjugating a verb or solving complex cyclic
equations. If he or she states that they are going to ‘punish you appropriately
after class’, in my day, it involved writing ‘I will not make fart noises in
class’ two hundred times. Then there’s also the boss situation. I’ve been asked
by my boss to stay back late hundreds of times. Not only did he not look like a
Playboy Bunny, but he never stuck around to see me burn the midnight oil. It
never happens.
I hear that some of these movies even have
a cable repair man or pizza delivery guys coming home where the resident didn’t
have any money and hence had to pay the guy through ‘other means’. Oh please.
Who watches cable anymore? Get with the program, it’s all online. As far as the
pizza scenario goes, if they’re ordering pizza, they’re not home alone. And if
the delivery guy is not back immediately, he’s going to miss the next delivery.
Quick turnover makes you rich. Not hanky-panky.
Then there are the locations where these
atrocities take place. The forest, for example. In all honesty, we would be too
busy looking out for snakes, bears and redants, even before putting on the slow
jazz and lighting our candles. Against an open window? Well, we’ve already
talked about clamping down during the carnival, so we’re pretty sure you would
go to jail even on non-parade days.
A few notes before I end. Pornography is
just a fairytale. It’s a make-believe world that should be treated so. Maybe
some of us get through our cruel and gruelling days hoping that some alignment
of the planets will make our hot neighbour come over for salt and end up giving
a little sugar. But here’s the good news. Truth is stranger than fiction, and crazy things have been known to happen. Till then, stay
focused on the real world, and have fun while you’re at it.
