I must say that the article by Adelmo Fernandes (We should care for elders at home) in your edition dated 1-10-2016, caught my eye instantly & indeed made interesting reading. At the outset I would like to state that the word “SHOULD” in the title has to be replaced by “MUST”, so as to both, adhere to our Catholic/Christian religion (& most religions I would think), and to avoid pricking of one’s conscience at a later time.
While I tend to agree with his comments in the first paragraph, I must state that sometimes doing “enough is just not enough”, particularly when it comes to in-laws (taking care of one’s parents automatically becomes a “moral responsibility”). Despite doing everything possible within your means to fulfill their needs & wants, at times (more often than not), you get “hypocrisy”, and worst still “ingratitude” in return, which leads to frustration and unnecessary increase of the already existing “high levels of stress” in the caretaker (son/daughter, son-in-law/daughter-in-law as the case may be).
It should be well understood that “mood swings” can and do exist in the caretakers as well (not just to be taken for granted as reserved in the case of the elders only), which is perfectly logical depending on the prevailing situation at any given time. In some cases, the caretakers could tend to be a little lenient or more tolerant when the elders happen to be their own parents, but most certainly not in the case of in-laws (whom they would consider MUST be fortunate to have a roof above their heads in the first place, leave alone all the responsibilities in addition being “thrust” upon them).
When it comes to grandchildren, the elders must have a way of dealing with them (particularly those in their early teens and younger). Criticism, nagging (correcting all the time) and a dominating attitude will only develop an “aversion” within the kids. Grandchildren are pretty smart and observant these days, and are immediately able to sense the true nature of behaviour/attitude (even if faked).
Lastly, while those of the present generation who continue to look after their elders (parents/in-laws) with commitment and dedication (in some cases without appreciation but “bad mouthing” instead), what guarantee do they have that they in turn will be looked after (in their old age) by their own children, despite everything having been done for them during their upbringing.
