Firstly, why do people
feel the need to update everyone about every single thing they are doing during
the day? “I’m having lunch.” or “Just checked into a restaurant.” You never did
that before the existence of Facebook or Twitter. Why start now? When was the
last time someone called you on the phone and said, “Hey, I’m chewing my food
now.” How would that conversation go? “Hmmm… thank you for telling me. I’m
proud of you. Eat like you’ve never eaten before. Make the world proud. And by
the way, how about inviting me for a meal next time, you lousy excuse for a friend.”
It gets worse with Twitter. People will
tell you where they are, how they got there, who they saw on the bus, what
colour underwear they are wearing and how many times they blinked in the last
minute. “Oh, just broke my record – 67.”
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Then there are those who treat the social
networking sites like an actual person. Why would you wish a website good
morning and goodnight? There are real people around you. Wish them! With spoken
words. It has been known to happen in the olden days.
Talking about the old days, I love how my
folks treat social networking sites. Firstly, they use the word “the” in front
of the site names. I’m on the Facebook. I don’t understand the Twitter. They
also have a hard time navigating the sites. Private messages to people will be posted
as status updates for everyone to see. They will have only one profile picture
(why not?) for a lifetime. And they don’t see the point of posting a status
update. I’m pretty sure that if I ever have kids, 20 years from now the little
runts will be writing about my technological handicaps and faux pas.
And I will tell them they are ‘the’ fools.
Then there are obsessive selfie-takers
(which I have been accused of being). For those of you who do not know what
that is, a selfie is the direct result of handing a camera to a narcissist.
They will constantly bombard the Internet with pictures of themselves posing in
ways that would make a smurf go bluer in the face. The selfie has given birth
to such poses like the ‘duck-face’, the ‘hand-on-the-hip because my waist might
fall off’, ‘hey- that’s me in the mirror’, ‘I’m so sad that I don’t have a
higher dpi’ and ‘deep introspection which looks like I have gas’.
Next are the Instagrammers. Like true
artists, everything becomes a subject of their art. According to a study that I
just made up, the top objects to be photographed and filtered are the sunrise,
sunset, anything that can be eaten, everything that’s fluffy and mom. Sometimes
the last two are the same thing.
The biggest problem I have with the world
of being sociable online is that people stop being sociable offline. We’ve stop
calling friends to find out how they are. We’ve stopped talking to people sitting
right across the table. We’ve stopped looking up for Pete’s sake. When was the
last time you looked someone in the eyes? Something as simple as eye contact
can create a connection with the other person. But we’ve lost the ability to do
so. Go out, hug somebody. Shake their hands. Ask them about their day. Have a
conversation. Let’s live analogue. Let’s bring back the real world.
