Two recent murders, in Ponda and Benaulim, both of
young women, allegedly by their equally-young boyfriends, and supposedly over
the latter’s inability to take their relationships coming to an end, have left
an eerie note in sultry Goa.
Why would men in their early 20s resort to such an
extreme step towards women they loved? Did the stringent home stay constraints
of the Covid-19 lockdown tilt a mind already bent? Is it a clarion call for
society—you and me—to re-evaluate our value systems?
If you enjoyed reading this article, you can help support our journalism by adding OHeraldo as a preferred source.
Reacting to the murders, a senior worker with a mental
health establishment offers an eerier statistic: “About four suicides by young
adults—one just 19—have occurred across Goa between March and April this year.”
“Let’s admit it young people don’t always share their
lives with family members and being stuck in the house with the rest of the
family could mean they don’t have the privacy to make a call to a friend or
maybe even a counsellor. So whatever is troubling them mentally, could lead to
some very self-harming or harmful decisions,” says Donna Noronha of COOJ Mental
Health Foundation.
Opining that the murders appear to have leanings
towards patriarchy (male dominance) and gender discrimination issues, Prachi
Khandeparkar of mental health NGO, Sangath, points to the issue of many young
people not being taught how to control anger.
“Things like counting to 10, drinking water slowly to
calm down, moving away or out of the situation… These are important exercises
that should be introduced at a young age so that people can handle their anger
when they’re older,” suggests the psychologist.
Fatima Braganza, a counsellor at Carmel Higher
Secondary School, Nuvem, says a young person’s home setup and his or her role
models at home—especially how parents deal with issues and stressful
situations—play a pivotal role in how the child develops mentally.
“Both extremes are wrong—abuse (physical, verbal,
sexual) as well as a child not being corrected at the right time. Self-esteem
comes first from your interactions in your family. When you have healthy
self-esteem and a sense of self-worth you will see the worth of another
person,” says the Margao resident. She opines that the constraints on movement
during the current pandemic could be worsening restlessness among youngsters.
Dr Enid Miranda, a psychiatrist, talks about a recent
case of a young girl committing suicide allegedly because her boyfriend broke
up with her. Coupled with the murders she feels the lockdown could be playing
with people’s minds.
“During the first week of the lockdown it was a panic
of survival, getting groceries etc; the second week saw people managing to get
stocked up and starting to settle down and by the third week people had settled
into their temporary realities. But when the lockdown got extended the process
started all over again with people worrying about payments, pay cuts and
whether they still had their job. Youngsters are equally worried about their
exams, not being able to go out and for many, there’s a lack of privacy. There is
presently a lot of restlessness in society,” she says.
Along with covidav.com, a website
set up by the psychiatric society of Goa and offering even non-Covid-19 related
advice, she wants the media to be proactive towards helping people deal with
the mental stress they could be going through.
“Short messages, from experts, can be flashed in
between favourite serials or TV shows on how to keep mentally and physically
fit during these times,” she suggests. “People can also be encouraged to talk
to their neighbours across balconies, to start rediscovering their hobbies or
cultivating new ones. And there’s always the healing power of music.”
Braganza wants young people to have a deeper spiritual
connect. “Many youth today are not rooted in spiritual values, so what’s right
and what’s wrong is a very shady area for them,” she says.
Khandeparker wants society to start to accept what’s
going on and start to change. “We have to bring children up without gender
discrimination. Rules that apply to a girl child have to apply to the boy child
as well. And parents who are trying to inculcate this should not be belittled
by others for making their boy more holistic, after all a boy who knows how to
cook and clean will be able to take care of himself better and will also know
how to help his wife who herself might also be working.”
She also wants parents to encourage their children in
relationships to sort their issues out through talking or even through the help
of a family elder or a counsellor, since relationships are showing both sides
of the spectrum today—a shallowness as we become more materialistic and
individualistic and refuse to put up with even the smallest of incompatibility,
while those relationships that are abusive and need to end, still don’t.
But above all, constant communication and a feeling of
belonging and knowing that there are people behind you reduce the feeling of
loneliness and helplessness. Unfortunately, Goa’s gorgeous countryside is
dotted with worrywarts. The bigger worry is that we don’t see them.
