Ibonio D’Souza
All life as we know it is based on change, since all growth is a product of change. Cells are born, grow, and die, as new ones take their place. Without change, there is no life because without change, there is no growth. Change, then, is built into the very fabric of our existence. And the opposite of change is decay, and ultimately, death. Benjamin Franklin cleverly stated: ‘when you’re finished changing, you’re finished’
There are however different types of change. First, there are the expected changes that routinely occur in our lives: the change of seasons, the aging of our bodies, the growth of our children, minor illnesses, wear and tear of our possessions, and the traffic jams that change our schedules. These changes are anticipated, and we face them with a mixture of humour, frustration, and resignation.
Then, there are the sudden, dramatic, or unexpected changes that can seem to come out of nowhere, catch us unprepared, or shake our sense of security. These can be changes that we perceive as good, such as the birth of a child, marriage, a new job, a new house or our children’s graduations; and changes that we usually perceive as bad, such as being fired from a job, experiencing a divorce, losing a longtime friendship, or, God forbid, the passing of a friend or a family member.
This second kind of change is the type that we struggle with and that causes us pain. Such changes can be frightening, intimidating, and unsettling. “Why is this happening to me?” We may ask. The reason this type of change is so difficult for many of us is because these changes force us out of our comfort zone. This rethinking can be painful because it may result in the conclusion that some of our dearly held beliefs may need modification, or outright rejection. In either case, such changes force us to make an honest assessment of our beliefs.
We must have the confidence and strength to look at the situation as honestly as possible, assess where previously held beliefs are keeping us from growing, and muster the energy to implement a new course of action. In essence, these external changes result in our own internal change and are the catalysts for personal growth. We all know people who faced an unexpected event that was completely unwelcome when it occurred, but who now look back on that event as a key turning point in their lives. This is what is meant by the famous, often-quoted truism: “As a door closes, a window opens.”
Change must be approached maturely and sensitively. Certainly it is not good to change jobs, careers, houses, or spouses every year. Such constant changes is an avoidance of responsibility and commitment. There are also events that happen to us that seem to have no ready explanation or redeeming purpose and from which the best we can do is try to endure. But when we embrace the inevitable changes in our lives, we can grow in new, exciting, rewarding directions that we never could have planned. The serenity prayer of St. Francis of Assisi says it all: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
