Children are our most valuable treasure. They make us feel loved and wanted. Our souls are healed by being with them. Every child is a divine appointment.
Bonding with our children starts from the womb and can work in a positive or negative manner. It can pave the way for physical disorders plus emotional, behavioral and cognitive outcomes too. For a child’s later success in school, development of the cognitive and social skills needed, is best supported by what is called “responsive parenting”. It is something that provides a strong foundation for children to develop optimally. Responsive parenting provides positive affection and high levels of warmth and is responsive in ways that are contingently linked to the young child’s signals (“contingent responsiveness”). In combination with behaviours that are cognitively responsive to the child’s needs positive parenting endows our kids with the range of support necessary for multiple aspects of learning.
Fathers are just as essential to healthy child development as mothers. “Psychology Today” explains, “Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children.” A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate. There are so many compelling ways that a father’s involvement makes a positive difference in a child’s life: fathers build confidence, discipline, while providing a peek at the world of men. Mothers play an even more vital role. The most important achievement of a mother is the raising of sensible, virtuous children who will then move on to build other strong blocks for society. It has been said that while it is easy to bear children it is more difficult to raise them well, and here lies the challenge for all mothers.
Children of “single parents” do face problems. But, if you’re a single parent, you can overcome constraints by endeavoring to create a happy, healthy family for your children. As long as you chip in to give your children a secure emotional base and clear boundaries for behaviour, they’ll usually be OK. Single parents can achieve a lot if they spend time with their children who will turn to be happy and mentally healthy. It’s all about letting your child know you’re interested in their lives and see to it that they are generally just as happy as children living with two biological parents.
What about children of “same-sex parents” raised in same-sex households? Most studies have shown that there is a “wide difference” in outcomes between kids raised by same sex-parents and kids raised in heterosexual households. These studies show that children raised in same-sex households fare far worse than those who are raised by married heterosexual couples. Yet there’s, on the other hand, scattered research that shows otherwise: that there are “no differences” between children of both groups. But these latter studies have been pilloried for having used participants derived by non-random methods, employing small samples, with few controls. What is more, they have apparently relied on recruited or volunteer participants and seemingly do not adhere to best practices for social science. Therefore they cannot be relied upon, experts opine.
But a just concluded study begs to differ and comes as a shot in the arm to children of same-sex marriages. The results show that “households with same-sex parents show no difference from those with different-sex parents in terms of spouse or partner relationships, parent-child relationships, children’s general health, emotional difficulties, coping and learning behaviour”.
“This study is admittedly the first to use a nationally representative survey to compare the two types of households having focused, however, only on those parents that have been in a continuous relationship,” lead author Henny Bos from William’s Institute in US was quoted as saying.
The team analyzed 95 same-sex parent families and 95 different sex parent families based on criteria like education, location and race. “The findings showed no differences between the children of the two groups in terms of spouse or partner relationships, parent-child relationships, or any of the child outcomes”.
By comparing demographically similar families using national data from the 2011-2012 National Survey of Children’s Health, the study was able to address “the primary accusations against the reported bias in previous research supporting heterosexual households to further prove that the earlier studies were not skewed.” Obviously much more research needs to be done.
Here is at least one personal testimony that casts doubt on the plaudits of those who eulogise the achievements of children of same-sex parents. Jean-Dominique Bunel, a specialist in humanitarian law, who’s done relief work in war-torn areas, outraged by the French same-sex marriage law, came out strongly against it. He admitted to “Le Figaro” that, after being raised by “two women”, he suffered immensely from the lack of a father, the deprivation of a fatherly presence, the lack of a character and a proper masculine example to provide some counterweight to the relationship of his mother to her female lover. Without mincing words he states that the absence of a father was too painful, too excruciating, and to him nothing short of an “amputation.” There can be no stronger words to condemn the plight of children from same-sex marriages in our society going askew to satisfy the caprices of a few.
(Dr Francisco Colaço is a seniormost consulting physician, pioneer of Echocardiography in Goa)
