Goa is the land of swaying palms, sparkling seas, lush green fields and a soothing languidness in the ambience – an essential trait peculiar to this tiny state. Well, at least that is how the boomers remember their homeland. Gen-Alpha can only imagine a multi-lane, fast-paced Goa, where they can fly over villages enroute to school or work, offering fancy Instagram-worth pictures of beautified bridges. Elsewhere, the boomers of Goa are not impressed and cry about a relentless encroachment of concrete jungles and a rapid depletion of natural forest cover, not to forget an influx of cross-cultural workforces and lifestyles – all in the name of development. Goans remain conflicted, and beyond what is fair and unfair, right and wrong, necessary and unnecessary, there lies an obvious generational and cultural gap amongst the people of Goa.
Economic growth has the undoubted benefits of increased convenience in terms of employment, standard of living, educational opportunities, access to advanced technology and so much more. However, with the modern world comes the trappings of an alluring life replete with consumer brands that can cause culture shocks to an otherwise conservative society. Nobody is spared from the clutches of the advertising world, but the younger generation, characteristically impressionable, is more vulnerable to fall prey. Albeit, interacting with people across cultures is bound to impact one’s own beliefs and norms to an extent. To put it bluntly, the social fabric of Goa has ruptured, and we can see the tension spilling onto the streets with crimes and criminal profiles like we haven’t previously seen.
Almost every generation in Goa has had to deal with the woes of evolution, but the ever-widening rift between the boomers and Gen-Alpha is more severe today. What would have been a dreaded behavior pattern among teens is witnessed much earlier in childhood. Quite often, parents are left bewildered and helpless in the ensuing conflicts. The conflict between the two different generations on ‘growing up’ is exhausting to both. To assert their authority, parents spout stereotypical and rather inappropriate statements and opinions which are almost always cancelled by their ‘woke’ children. The difference in attitudes, tastes, values and life orientations is primarily the cause of misunderstandings, indifference and negative attitude towards each other, sowing the seeds for larger family disputes.
Sartorial preferences, recreational choices and social networking among the youth is at times baffling to older generations, while youngsters have difficulty in accepting traditional norms, discounting them as redundant. This vicious cycle is also characterized by the change in the role of the ‘advisor’ in the family. Instead of a parent or grandparent being a primary source for guidance and support, the younger generation tends to lean towards their peers. This dynamic is hard to digest for the boomer generation who then succumb to extreme parenting – either engaging in coercive tactics or completely giving in to their child’s lifestyle.
These extreme parenting styles are the sources of conflict which later act as triggers for larger family and personal disputes, involving marriage, property, inheritance or domestic violence. It is essential for both, the boomer generation and the youth, to create space and find time to understand the difference in perspectives. Contesting or ignoring a different world view only adds fuel to the fire. Ensuing arguments at home strengthen the belief that the ‘other side’ will never understand, which consequently results in a deterioration in communication. And, most adults will agree with Friedrich Glasl’s (an international authority on conflict) thesis that the deterioration in communication is the beginning to escalation in tension, misunderstanding and eventually destructive disputes.
As we fervently promote the concepts of mediation and reconciliation in Goa, it is important for our society to accept that differing perspectives and lifestyles are an opportunity to understand rather than condemn. As Josh McDowell puts it, “It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship”. To learn to understand each other is an important social challenge. The complaint that I hear most often in my work with youth is “we are so disconnected, we just don’t communicate”.
Although empathy is easier preached than practiced, it is possible and well within our human capacity to partake. In its simplest form, empathy is simply letting go of our point of view for a moment and really tuning in to how the other is feeling. At our core, we all want to be understood. We are often willing to agree to disagree, if – and that’s a big if – we believe we have been heard. People in a conflict will describe a situation differently because each of them experiences it differently. We have a lens and a filter based on earlier life experiences that influences our perceptions and bias of the current conflicting situation. As a society, whether it is our opinion on development, migration, culture or politics, we cannot let our biased perceptions lead us to a live a delusional lifestyle.
Conflict is an unavoidable part of any relationship. The key is to be able to constructively navigate through it with a healthy attitude. Especially in inter-generational family disputes, trust and respect are essential elements. There is need for a balance between the life experiences, strong values and genuine concern that the boomer generation brings in and the natural zeal for a quest to explore modern opportunities which the youth possess. Fundamentally, patience should never be undermined, and the channels for communication should always be kept open – people always find a way back in relationships, even in the darkest of times. Reach out to Goa Mediation and Reconciliation Centre at Nirmala Institute of Education (Altinho, Goa) and Pedro Arrupe Institute (Raia, Goa) for more on Mediation and Conflict Resolution.
(Sulata is a practicing Counsellor and Mediator. Jonathan is a practicing
Mediator and Mediation Author)
