We believe that we live in the ‘information age’ but with all sorts of mis-information, trolling and fake news, is this true? It seems more like the age of loneliness, which reflects the primary social change that differentiates our current era from others.
We have been social creatures from the beginning, we hunger for intimacy and wither without it. We are shaped by contact and the ability to share ideas and man-made concepts such as currency, marriage, government, nations and borders. Our ability to work together in large groups towards common ideals and goals is what gives us strength and power.
The age we have entered into however, is one in which we exist apart from each other.
For the first time in human history, many people — of all ages, in all places, of every political persuasion — have begun settling down as singletons. Economics drive us to migrate away from our homes, focus on individualism, and move online for more efficient transactions, all of which erode our social anchors. The Economist has declared loneliness to be “the leprosy of the 21st century, eating away at its victims and repelling those who encounter it”.
New ideas of “success” drive us to believe that we should constantly be more and do more; that the good-looking ones, the ones with more money and talent are winners, while the rest are left fighting for the scraps. When definitions of success and failure are modeled on such superficial factors, it leads us down a road of helplessness and loneliness, though we have more material comforts and opportunities than any generation in history.
Last year the UK created a new government position — a Minister of Loneliness — because, according to a 2017 report, one in every seven Brits “often or always feel lonely”. The National Mental Health Survey of India in 2015-16, reported that high suicidal risk is an increasing concern in India; that children and adolescents are vulnerable to mental disorders. One in every two elderly individuals in India suffers from loneliness, according to the Agewell Foundation.
The reasons for loneliness vary; for older people, it may be the feeling of irrelevance in an increasingly utilitarian world. For youth, it may be our expectations – that they are the ones who will shape the future, that they can be whoever they want to be and that every opinion matters. Children no longer aspire to be drivers or nurses; wealth and fame are touted by modern society as the main ambitions to have. And when the realisation hits that most of us are just ordinary and not extraordinary, we feel lost – and lonely.
“Loneliness” is therefore much more complex than just “being alone”.
Neuroscientists identify loneliness as a state of hyper-vigilance. We act fearful, defensive, and self-involved, all of which drive away people who might actually want to help, and stop lonely people from doing what would benefit them most: reaching out to others.
A study by the Montreal Neurological institute shows a sort of distinct signature in the brains of lonely people centering on a set of brain regions involved in inner thoughts such as reminiscing, future planning, imagining, and thinking about others. This may be because lonely people are more likely to use imagination or memories of the past to overcome loneliness.
Dementia, high blood pressure, alcoholism and accidents – all these, like depression, paranoia, anxiety and suicide, become more prevalent when connections are cut. We cannot cope alone.
But what about social media, you may ask? Isn’t the world more connected? Aren’t we re-kindling old friendships, old bonds and even old flames? Don’t we have a stronger support system than ever before? Probably not.
With technology, we are losing our ability to pay attention and are more interested in what is happening in cyberspace than around us. It is easier to talk to relatives abroad than it is to talk to our families because we are constantly looking at our smartphones instead of each other. And heavy social media use is linked with higher rates of loneliness because everyone on social media is living their “best life” which, in turn, reinforces that we are not good enough. Virtual communities, at least in the near future, cannot hope to match the depth of physical communities.
So how do we proceed from here?
For the scientific community, more research must be undertaken to understand how loneliness manifests itself in the brain. This could be the key to preventing neurological disease and developing better treatments.
For the rest of us:
l Let’s reinforce our social bonds – it is best to have not only an Internet but a social safety net.
l Prioritize relationships that are important and positive; while I am as Facebook-obsessed as the next person, I find that nothing gives me as much joy as spending time with my family and close friends. Their unconditional support, acceptance and love gives me a peace that social media is unable to.
l Listen to others, help others – just the act of ‘giving’ takes you out of yourself.
l Creative arts like singing or hobbies like cooking, gardening, journaling, or even listening to music can be powerful antidotes to loneliness.
l Reach out – we are not alone in this.
There is much that can be done to move towards a less lonely world — and we must do it together.
(Dr. Francisco Colaço is a seniormost consulting physician, pioneer of Echocardiography in Goa)
