We received the shocking news last week that one of our students from the First Year Bachelor of Architecture had suddenly expired. She had been unwell and had been absent since the first few days of starting the academic programme last month. Just 17 years of age, young, ready to begin a new journey as a student and young architect. But her journey was planned elsewhere, not in this mortal world. May God bless her and may her soul rest in peace. Special prayers go to her parents and family for strength to cope with her untimely journey into another world.
Death is a strange moment right? We are so acquainted with birth, but death scares us. We prepare so meticulously for a birth but are helpless in death! But both are the same, both are the very essence of every living being on earth. We are born to die. We come alone and we go alone.
Have you had a close encounter with death?
I remember the time when I was 22, I was down with malaria on returning from my training period in Ahmedabad and I was possibly one of the first cases of malaria in Goa. Burning with high fever for 15 days thinking that I was dying and then finally the right diagnosis and treatment saved me from a NDE. But I remember an initial fear, followed with helplessness and then overcome with weakness in acceptance. I remember spending those days in hospital in prayer, speaking to God, in a spiritual state of mind and getting prepared for the inevitable. Yes I thought I would die but I was ok with going. I had looked back, reflected and felt that I had done what there was to do and experience!
At another moment many years later there was no NDE, but more like an ethereal, ‘if I have to go now, this is the moment’ with no regrets and unfulfilled aspirations. It came when our first child was born. It was such a blissful moment. My husband and I were sitting on the sofa of our sparsely furnished new home that we had moved into after getting married. Our one month old baby was asleep and happy. We were happily looking out at the view of the green fields across the terrace. I felt extremely blissful. I looked back at my life till that point in time. After graduation and having worked with Ramesh Bandekar I had plunged into a design and build practice dabbling with designing and constructing eco-friendly, natural and cost effective houses and projects. While working with Ramesh, I had fallen in love with my best friend from college. We had had a super courting period enriched by travelling, learning. By the time we got married I had already worked and gained enough experience in the field and felt satisfied to plunge into married life and parenthood. At 30, it was so easy to take on parenting and motherhood as top priority. The period of pregnancy had also turned out smooth and Vikram was born on time. I had a natural birth and was on a post-partum high! We had a home of our own with a terrace office too! So as I sat with my husband on the sofa looking across at the green fields outside, I said to myself, if I have to go now this is beautiful moment to depart. I felt like all my aspirations had been fulfilled.
In my childhood days, I remember how families would be closely involved in both birth and death in the family. When an older member was ailing, everyone would take turns to care for him/her, the last moments would be spent at home with all the loved ones. No hospital rigmarole and no clinical routines. And death was acceptable.
Today there seems to be an alienation in death. Accompanied with fear. Old people and others yearn for love, compassion and care just like babies. They want our time, not money and other conveniences. When they are ill or critical they need support and strength from us just like children do. They need someone to lean on just like children do.
I was lucky to be with my father at his bedside before he passed away. He had slowed down at 75. He had already experienced a phase of cancer many years ago and had recovered fully. He had mild diabetes but he was managing his routine. His moment arrived when our second baby was born. Mama would be shuttling between helping us at the hospital and rushing back to Papa. He had a fall at home, out of the blue and had suffered a pelvic fracture. From there on he had recovered slowly. He had lost a lot of blood, his kidneys were failing. We finally spent the last month with him at home. We were literally caring for 2 babies – Papa and little Varun. We had our neighbours, family and friends as our greatest supporters. And it was a beautiful moment. When Papa breathed his last I recalled the first breathe when both my sons were born. While Papa experienced pain at the time of going, I recalled my labour pain when the babies were coming into this world. This close encounter and experience with Papa helped to strengthen me, to accept death the same way we accept birth. Now whenever someone is ailing or near to death, I remember Papa and can easily rush to comfort another who is about to go.
I recently came across this amazing concept written by a friend where he talks about acquainting with the idea of death right from an early age. It suggests that children and youngsters should be given an opportunity to attend a funeral every 3 months. And it could be someone you know or a complete stranger. But this gesture has a sound reason. He says that by being a part of such a moment one is subliminally connected to the idea of death and the realization of one’s finality or mortality which helps to constantly keeps us in check. It helps us to evaluate and reflect our lives and priorities. It also helps us to comfort others who may not be known to us. It helps us to connect to the essence of humanity – love, compassion, empathy, kindness, forgiveness and most important of all HOPE.
(Tallulah D’Silva is a practicing architect in Goa)
