“He spoke so hurtingly, my face turns red when I remember that moment”. “She made fun of me in front of everyone. How can I forget this?” “She is the one who plotted against my dear one. I can never get over this.” “I was about to get the job, but he used some tactics and snatched it away from me. I’ll never forgive him!”
A sample of emotions experienced by people in various situations can be seen from the above statements.
Our mind is the haven for positivity or a hell of negativity. Forgetting the hurts and forgiving the doer for the wrongs one has suffered are traits of positivity, and it is common knowledge that positivity begets well being in an individual, no matter what destiny may ultimately hold for him. During the period of her illness my daughter Rukma would say that she was learning to forgive people, and I realise now that it must have taken all of her positive attitude to have done this. She must have surely released the emotional knots as she moved on to the next realm. Forgiveness is all about passing a sieve through the backlog of memories, and sweeping away the litter of chaff that block free thinking. Nursing hurt and anger ties the person in perennial bondage, whilst the perpetrator blissfully enjoys his life. As is rightly said, we should learn to forgive others because we need to be set free, not that they deserve forgiveness.
The Gita propagates forgiveness as one of the virtues to cultivate. Baba Nanak encourages forgiveness to benefit oneself. The Jains have a forgiveness day called Kshamavani wherein each individual forgives and seeks forgiveness from the other by saying, “Micchami dukkadam”, begging for supreme forgiveness or “uttam kshama”.
This is done during the last day of the annual Paryushan festival spanning over a week to ten days. It is a period of penance, quite similar to the period of lent observed by Christians. In the same manner, Christians are asked to forgive others if they are to be forgiven by Christ, as he had already done this to all those who had forsaken him. The Quran has verses which say that forgiveness is an attribute of God’s beloved servants and those who forgive others are promised God’s forgiveness and eternal paradise.
Forgiveness is an expansive term and one should start at this, right from bed every morning by begging forgiveness from the epitome of forgiveness – the Mother Earth – for trampling upon her, and then proceed to ask pardon from those whom we may have knowingly or unknowingly caused hurt. If it is one thing to swallow one’s ego and say sorry from the heart, and not merely from the lips, forgiving is another thing. The former flattens our ego whilst the latter lets us free in the spiritual domain. Both are needed for Sanatana dharma or the natural and eternal way to live. God is infinite in His mercy towards us, we should but emulate him in a miniscule way.
As the Mahatma said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. It is up to us to shed our shackles of weaknesses, untie the knots within and move ahead.
