PETER BORGES
Marriage is often seen as a partnership rooted in love, trust, and mutual respect—a sanctuary where life’s challenges are shared, not multiplied. But what happens when that sanctuary becomes a battlefield? When love, instead of healing, begins to hurt? Recent cases of individuals recording videos before ending their lives, citing marital distress, compel us to ask: How did we get here? How have we allowed relationships, meant to nurture, to become sources of such despair?
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These stories—tragic and haunting—demand our attention. In Gujarat, a man from Botad recorded a video accusing his wife of relentless mental torture, his chilling words, “Teach her a lesson,” resonating with the anguish of a person pushed to his limits. In Bengaluru, a tech professional spent 80 painstaking minutes recounting years of emotional and financial harassment by his wife and in-laws before succumbing to despair. In Delhi, another man captured his torment on video, accusing his wife of “extreme torture” mere hours before ending his life.
Adding to these tragedies is the heartbreaking story from Nagpur, where a couple, dressed in wedding attire, celebrated their anniversary before ending their lives together. In a chilling twist, the husband recorded a video claiming they took this step due to harassment by his in-laws. Their deaths, cloaked in symbolism and despair, reflect the complex and devastating pressures marriages can bring.
Why are these men—and now even couples—recording videos in their final moments? What compels someone to leave behind such raw, unfiltered confessions? Is it a desperate plea for justice, a final attempt to reclaim their voice? Or is it an indictment of a society that has silenced their pain?
Yet, these incidents are not exclusive to men. Women, too, have used video testimonies to highlight their battles against abuse, harassment, and neglect. Their stories are equally heart-wrenching, revealing a different facet of the same crisis. The thread that connects all these cases—regardless of gender—is the pervasive lack of mental health support in marriages and the unchecked toll of emotional pain.
But why is mental health in marriages so neglected? Why do we, as a society, still view counselling and therapy as a last resort, or worse, as a sign of failure? For men, societal conditioning plays a significant role. From a young age, they are taught to “man up,” to suppress their emotions, to endure in silence. Seeking help is often seen as weakness, leaving many men to suffer alone. Women, on the other hand, often face systemic barriers and fears of judgment or disbelief when they attempt to seek help. Both genders, in their own ways, are caught in a web of stigma and neglect.
The act of recording a video before suicide is both deeply personal and profoundly symbolic. For those who feel their voices have been ignored in life, these videos become a means of ensuring they are heard in death. They are cries for validation, for acknowledgment of their pain. But they are also damning evidence of our collective failure—a failure to provide the support, understanding, and resources necessary to prevent such tragedies.
So, what can we do? How do we move from despair to action?
First, we need to normalize seeking mental health support in marriages. Why do we hesitate to seek help when a relationship falters? Why do we wait until conflicts have escalated beyond repair? Counseling and therapy should be seen as integral to maintaining healthy relationships, much like regular check-ups are for physical health. Couples must be encouraged—and enabled—to seek help not as a last resort but as a proactive step toward growth and understanding.
Second, we must break the stigma surrounding mental health, especially for men. Why is vulnerability still equated with weakness? Why do we discourage emotional expression in boys and men? By fostering environments where men feel safe to share their struggles, we can prevent the silence that so often leads to despair.
Third, mental health services must be made accessible and inclusive. How many couples have access to affordable counseling? How many know where to turn when conflicts arise? Community-based counseling centers, helplines, and online platforms can provide lifelines for those in distress. These services must be tailored to address the unique challenges of relationships, offering safe spaces for both individuals and couples to work through their struggles.
Fourth, the legal framework surrounding marital disputes must be strengthened and balanced. Laws designed to protect individuals in marriages are essential, but their misuse can deepen the divide between partners, creating new victims while failing to deliver justice. How do we ensure fairness? How do we prevent laws from being weaponized? These are questions that demand urgent answers.
Finally, we must foster a cultural shift in how we view relationships. Why do we prioritize the institution of marriage over the well-being of the people within it? Emotional health should be at the heart of any relationship. Schools, workplaces, and communities must play a role in teaching empathy, communication, and conflict resolution, creating a society where seeking help is celebrated, not shamed.
The stories of those who recorded their pain before ending their lives are not just tragedies—they are wake-up calls. They ask us to listen, to reflect, and to act. They remind us that marriages should be spaces of love, respect, and growth, not battlegrounds of unresolved pain.
If we truly value marriage, we must invest in its emotional foundation. If we truly care for the people in those marriages, we must prioritize their mental well-being. And if we want to prevent more lives from being lost to despair, we must act—with compassion, urgency, and a commitment to change. The time to ask the hard questions is now. The time to find answers is long overdue.
(Peter F. Borges is an Assistant Professor of Social Work at the D.D. Kosambi School of Social Sciences and Behavioural Studies, Goa University. He has served as the Hon’ble
Chairperson of the Goa State Commission for Protection of Child Rights)
