Last week, pictures of a minor boy riding a Bullet motorcycle through the streets of Vasco were cause for many on the social networking site Facebook to comment on how children were allowed to ride motor vehicles at such young ages. What was even surprising was that there was an adult seated behind the child, visibly happy with the child’s achievement. Blame it on children’s demands or on a parent’s inability to say no.
Vasumathi Prabhu Pereira, a counseling psychologist says she gets cases everyday of parents constantly asking her how to handle their demanding children at her clinic in Porvorim as well as Manipal Hospital where she works on consultation basis.
She remembers dealing with a parent who came to her with a problem of the daughter refusing to study and bring her grades up for want of a new phone. The mother eventually gave into the child’s demand despite having less money.
“The most common problems parents come to me with is of their children demanding for phones and expensive gadgets,” she says. Many ask her why they behave in this way, and for every single case, she explains the fault of the parent.
Parents these days are very competitive, she says. It’s a matter of pride and ego for parents to be able to provide their children with things other parents give their children. And thus begins the vicious cycle.
Dr. Nandita de Souza works as a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at the NGO Sethu, involved in the field of child and family mental health for the last 18 years. According to her, consumerism plays an important part in children’s demands. Parents with higher purchasing power are another factor.
“There is so much more available today, so children’s demands have also increased. The purchasing power of parents has also gone up, hence it appears that many children from the middle class and rich families have more and get what they want,” says de Souza.
She says children are better at negotiating and getting what they want and since parents think their role is to keep children happy, they give in to their demands.
This trend seen mostly in teens could also be a result of a disconnect between the child and parent. Savia Viegas founder of Saxtti Kids, a kindergarten school in Carmona says her experiences have shown working parents rarely make time for their kids and their need to give in to their children’s demand and make them happy stems from this lack of time.
“Parents today have forgotten the science of parenting. They come under peer pressure and often are caught up in their jobs, rarely make time for their kids. As a means of making them happy, they use material goods. But they must realize, money can’t buy you love,” she says.
And as is the case in most of today’s life, maids and caregivers take the place of parents, who in turn have better bonding with the child than the parent themselves. Another consequence many have noticed is the weak nature in which the child grows up.
This phenomenon however is not a new one. “Earlier kids were crazy about Barbie dolls and Hotwheel cars. Today its brand new phones, top of the line gadgets, best of clothes and expensive theme parties. I think this trend has always been there, now with more money and children’s defiant behaviors,” says Pereira.
Review Bureau
