How many times has it happened that two different people have a different approach and hence, a different experience in the same situation? Take the following example as a case in point: Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy (from Jane Austen’s book, ‘Pride and Prejudice’), having recently arrived in the neighbourhood, are invited to a ball. Once there, Mr Bingley endears himself to one and all with his congeniality. He also participates in the dancing at the ball with enthusiasm. He finds everyone agreeable and believes he has never seen prettier women in his life. In contrast, Mr Darcy keeps to himself and barely utters a word. He wears an air of haughtiness and refuses to dance. He thinks that the people in the neighbourhood lack in taste and fashion and therefore it is beneath him to befriend anyone. Likewise, his hosts are wary of him and prefer to stay out of his way. By the end of the evening, both friends have a completely different experience to share. One feels that his neighbours are warm and friendly people, while the other feels that they lack in manners because none ventured to make him feel welcome.
It was not by random luck or pure chance that both got a different reception. The differences stemmed from their perception of reality and, in turn, their own response to it.
The above example shows how closely our life and our environment are linked. By ‘life’ I mean the way we are or how we feel and behave at a certain moment and ‘environment’ means people and physical environment around us. Our environment is a reflection of our life. For example, if you are depressed then your appearance and your home will reflect your depressive state of life, and if you are elated, your appearance and your surroundings will, similarly, reflect that joy.
In the above example Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley’s experiences were formed by them. If either one had only to change his behaviour or attitude towards their situation, it’d be a completely different experience. For instance, if Mr Darcy had only to adopt a slightly more friendly attitude, others at the ball would have received him with more exuberance and he’d have left the ball in a pleasanter mood. Similarly, if Mr Bingley had to become a little grumpy, his reception would have been adversely affected.
Once we are aware that we can affect our environment, we do not need to wait for our external realities to change to become happy; instead, we can change our external reality by changing ourselves first.
We invariably feel that if only our job, family, friends, spouse, boss, house or car were to change, we’d become happier. But if one’s tendency is to remain miserable, then you will sink into misery even in the most scenic place. And if one’s tendency is to remain happy, then you will find beauty and grace in even the most dire circumstances.
Next time, it would probably help to check your own mood before blaming anyone or anything around you for your misery.
