Love can sometimes make you do dangerous things, it is said.
Dating violence has plagued young adults, especially in the age of technology,
with serious emotional and physical aftereffects. A student on conditions of
anonymity from Miramar, said, “They leave you with mental scars.” Teen dating
violence occurs when they are in intimate relationships. It can have both
short-term and long-term effects. It is more commonly reported in the West but
it’s a matter of concern in India too with a lot of people getting into
relationships at an early age.
In the first step, having a relationship
brings upon enough judgment from society. Youngsters find it hard to confide in
adults if they are experiencing violence. This may be because in India people
still treat dating as a crime, it is a forbidden topic here. The elders don’t
talk about healthy relationships. Majority of the youngsters start dating under
peer pressure and since there’s no talk about relationships, there’s no talk
about the abuse either. This abuse amongst partners is usually unreported to
parents or guardians as it draws unwanted attention. Young adults reportedly
hide mental or physical injuries for the sake of their partner’s name or they
would be subjected to harsher conditions if their partner gains knowledge of
the report.
In a society where men are predominantly in a higher position
than women, the female counterparts in a relationship tend to experience more
dating violence than men. Although men downplay dating violence due to the
social stigma that men shouldn’t display vulnerability, their experiences are
accounted for. Abuse is an ugly thing to talk about but Eliza decided to speak
on the issue stating, “It’s first of all traumatizing, exhausting, your mind
can go awry, feel manipulated and gaslighted.” She also went on to elaborate,
“But you probably wonder why didn’t you just leave if this was the case at the
beginning? See, the thing is about narcissistic people is that they love bomb
you, lie to seem perfect, do everything that you love together, listen and
understand you and act totally charming for months together and when you break
down your walls and finally give in and love them deeply and they have you
wrapped around your fingers.” Another student, Manda Naik shared,
“Possessiveness is definitely a red flag and he also stalked me! I felt unsafe
and unhappy for a long time after that.”
Among many experiences, Rose Fernandes also reached out with her
story saying, “People might put on a mask or pretend to be the person of your
desires until the mask falls off and it’s too late.” When asked about reaching
out for help in times when it was tough to handle alone, an anonymous student
disclosed that they could not reach out for help using help lines as “they were
not teenage-friendly” or “they just didn’t understand”.
Eliza further explained, “I did reach out on multiple occasions
but before I could say my part my ex had already reached my friends and
manipulated the whole narrative of the story where I was the abuser and he was
the victim.”
Fortunately, these victims are now doing better and wanted to
share advice on what to look out for while dating to avoid violence. Zeeshan, a
student and young aspiring entrepreneur, said that one needs to find someone
understanding and someone that accepts when they are wrong. Sharing her
experience, Eliza sashared her advice, firmly saying, “Just stay friends for
quite some time till you can move forward with being more than just friends.”
She also encouraged silent victims saying, “Seek help of a counsellor and
change! Because there is hope of change, have a better future and actually have
stable relationships.”
It is unfortunate that even though youngsters are vocal about a
host of issues, they prefer to remain silent on abuse fearing harassment.
The
reality is the youngsters are not matured enough ti handle relationships at suh
a tender age. Their actions are mostly influenced by uregulated social media
content, which is filled with violent images and videos. So many children are
falling prey to such abusive behaviour with no one to control it at the right
time. Although Goa is slowly beginning to recognise the plight of its younger generations
there is still a long road ahead for a safe Goem.
