The
act of matrimony in
the eastern hemisphere of the world still holds all the potential of
a celebration like never before. After all,
the argument is that weddings happen once in a life time.
Going by the
old precepts of marriage, none would beg to differ, but it’s
the build up to the wedding
that is
becoming a spoiler, marring rather than making this most important
day of all.
Let’s
take a look at the case of Maxine Sequeira (Nuvem). The hectic build
up to the wedding, which she handled almost single handedly, left
her with a bout of high blood pressure, anxiety and depression post
the wedding.
“My fiancé
was posted overseas and so was my father-in-law,
while my
parents
were too elderly to run around. So a major portion of the planning
was left to me.
I was
personally making all the bridal décor,
supervising the painting of both the houses and working on an
afternoon-midnight shift job. Ours was an arranged married that
observed all the traditions.
Although I had
a year’s time to plan and do things, it was intense. I let slide my
sleep and eating habits.
Instead of
being the happy
bride-to-be, I
was a grumpy, irritable one. It not only lead to heightened
anxiety stress levels, but also high blood pressure.
Later, post
the wedding, the over-indulgent eating sprees and hectic life,
as well as
the pressure
of adjusting to a new home,
left me feeling clinically depressed once my husband resumed his job
abroad,” reveals Maxine.
In
retrospect, she realises that weddings are not the end of the day.
“The way people celebrate weddings, it’s
more competitive than anything else. They just risk their health. I
feel nobody should feel bad about what they can afford or do;
it’s
the union of
two people
that should matter.
And no matter
how well something is arranged, people, as is the habit, will
always crib
about something or the other.
Secondly, my
advice to young brides is always maintain your space in a new home or
you forfeit
your liberty,” she advises.
The
perspective is perhaps hard gained, but one that counsellors are in
agreement with. “I find that people nowadays
have got into a competitive mode, always striving to be one step
ahead. If you
are going to get married it is not about the pomp, but the uniting of
two people.
Racing with
the competition
is just so artificial and ever so stressful. Keeping up with
traditions or if the two families are not in tandem is another factor
that lends to the stress.
But everyone
needs to understand that if things stay simple, everyone can enjoy
this important day,” she surmises.
“If you want
to have a wonderful day, without all the stress, as the generations
in the past had, keep it simple; start planning well in advance or
get a good wedding planner.
Remember that
too many pre and post parties also heighten
the anxiety
level, so space these out,” she
reiterates.
It’s
perhaps an advice well heeded by the likes of the Pinheiro or Dalvi
couples who tied the knot not too long ago.
“Couples and
their respective families should learn to adopt a carefree attitude.
Society will
always talk.
Do what please
you both not the dictates of society.
Invite those
who matter the most,” avers Jayne Dias Pinheiro.
Perhaps
so. On the most important day of one’s life, the important people
matter and keeping it fun and simple will keep those memories going
forever.
Doing away
with the frivolites
and ‘flouting’
family and societal demand, she,
like Aradhna
and Ashok
Dalvi, had a
simple ceremony with just ten people who mattered the most!
