Gifting mumbo-jumbo for Christmas
Healthcare products specify cures to ailments, which are mere hogwash, says DR GLADSTONE D’COSTA
Christmas is a time for exchanging presents, and the dilemma of what to gift, in terms of cost and utility. With a soon-to-be-married son and a future daughter-in-law to impress, the problem became even more acute. A friend helpfully suggested I look at some of the healthcare products available in the market. What a revelation that “look” turned out to be.
An eight page document that claimed to provide the answer to “today’s’ polluted world” arrived first. It described “Bio Disc” developed after 25 years of research, which enabled you to “make unlimited amount of bio energised water” which would relieve 29 different health problems. The clear glass disc made from 13 natural chemicals “generates positive energy field that produces ‘scalar energy’ and makes water more hydratious” I remain flummoxed by these two terms. The energy (which has no known means of measurement) spins into the water you pour over it. Alternatively, you could stand a bottle of water on top of the disc for six hours. A bottle in each corner of your bed made your body absorb energy through the night. The cost? Rs. 20,000 or Rs 37,000 if you buy two. Oh, and by the way, it is “not regulated or approved by the FDA; neither will approval be applied for” because the “Amezcua Bio Disc” has been evaluated and certified by the IHM Institute, Japan. (?)
Having reservations about spending this kind of money on magic, my friend suggested gifting a year’s supply of “alkaline water” and sent two sample bottles. The literature stated that all our health problems “were a result of a chronically high acidic pH which created an extremely negative environment and disturbed cellular function.” The “molecular size of this product is 4/5 molecules; whereas normal water has 15 molecules.” (I was floored by such meaningless technicalities). However, it was the “best anti-ageing agent; useful in diabetes, high blood pressure, weight loss, headaches, dizziness, mental and physical function” etc. The label claimed that the contents were at a pH of more than nine.
pH is a measure of concentration of hydrogen ions and is an indicator of acidity or alkalinity of a liquid; water being neutral at seven. The lower the number from seven, the more acidic the liquid; the higher the number, the more alkaline it is. It varies with body tissues. Pancreatic juice is highly alkaline, whereas gastric juice is highly acidic. Human physiology is fine-tuned to maintain blood pH at 7.4. This is done largely by the kidney and lungs. Therefore, the concept of body pH is totally illogical. Clinical conditions like acidosis and alkalosis are potentially lethal complications of renal or respiratory ailments and diabetes, to name a few. Being a little puzzled, in case my knowledge reflected my age, I got one bottle tested for pH (batch no 05; date of manufacture- 25/8/2010; expiry six months from manufacture). The second having particulate matter suspended in it, was sent to the FDA. The pH was reported as 7.56. At Rs 35 for 750ml, I opted for a bottle of beer instead.
My persistent friend suggested a magnetic mattress for the newly weds. Magnets have been scientifically tested and found to have no effect. Besides, the price tag of Rs 95,000 bowled me over. Ravider Pal Singh, MD of the company is quoted thus; ‘unlike door-to-door selling, we organise group meetings, called by our area distributors. Participants are encouraged to become distributors of the company, by investing Rs 95,000, as an initial fee. They would earn profit margin of 10 per cent, if they recruit another member by selling a special imported mattress, again at a cost of Rs 95,000. The second member can also earn the same amount by recruiting another member. The first member would gain additional commission up to 42 per cent, on further sale by his recruited members.’’
This is multilevel marketing, and stretches the boundaries of the Prize Chits and Money Circulation Schemes (Banking) Act, 1978. An independent distributor recruits people not only to buy and sell products, but also to recruit more people, thus providing a convenient one-to-one pyramidal approach, so that promotion of the products is discreet, and does not attract the attention of the authorities. There are eight such foreign companies presently operating in India, and about a hundred local ones. Another five have applied for licenses to the Foreign Investment Promotion Board, to start operations. Officials privately admit that when these companies apply for import licenses, they do so for consumer items; however, once the license is obtained, they advertise the same products as health care or nutritional ones, with therapeutic properties.
The claims range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Conybio Healthcare sells undergarments, stockings, bangles and mattresses made from ceramic that, they claim, cure diabetes, arthritis and heart ailments. Amazing! Wear Conybios’ ceramic bra and pants, and your arthritis is cured. I promptly discarded this idea; as such a gift would probably provoke my daughter-in-law-to-be, into questioning my sanity and canceling the wedding. Agel’s customer care manager Gayathri Muralidharan at its Chennai unit said that UMI, one of the company’s four products, “has the potential to cure lethal diseases including cancer.” There are nutritional supplements and skin care formulations by the hundreds.
Such antics have not escaped the attention of law enforcers. Herbalife was sued for fraud and fined heavily in the USA after its products were linked to10 cases of severe hepato-toxicity. Xan Go has been hauled up by the US FDA in September 2006, for marketing mangosteen juice concentrate, which they claimed could cure, among other diseases, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, glaucoma, cataracts, cancer and HIV. Kerala banned Conybio Healthcare products and Maharashtra raided their stockists. Amway has been in and out of court in various law suits, which they have so far managed to duck.
Unfortunately, health is a state subject; and they are free to grant licenses for such products, without any means of testing either quality or efficacy. A “Food Safety Act” pending since 2006 would make it mandatory for the composition of any consumer product to be clearly and unambiguously indicated on the packaging label; health claims would have to be validated. The “Drugs and Cosmetics Act”, clearly states that “any product that claims medical benefits should be backed by adequate safety and clinical data, ratified by drug regulators.” A special committee was appointed to update the “Drugs and Magic Remedies Act” in 2006, to expand the scope of this act to cope with new business and advertisement models. There was no progress because of “lack of clarity on how to treat the claims in advertisements and surrogate promotions,” said former Drug Controller General of India M Venkateswarlu. In short, we are unable to draft regulations that would prevent the innocent public from falling prey to such aggressive and fraudulent marketing techniques. Our legislators are far too busy throwing chairs at each other in parliament, instead of legislating. Meanwhile you and I have to fend for ourselves.
Have a very Merry Christmas and spend your money wisely.
As for me, I finally settled for some badly needed and highly appreciated furniture; at least I would have a comfortable sofa to rest on, whenever I visited.
(The author is a Member, National Executive Committee, Voluntary Health Association of India.)
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Wiki & other Leaks
By Anthony Simoes
Untold millions around the world are all a-twitter about an Australian ‘gentleman’ who goes by the name of Julian Paul Assange. With a name like Assange, you’d think he’d make an Ass of a French Angel. Instead, he tried his luck with two not-so-angelic, Swedish women.
Mr Assange had had consensual sex with two women. One of them was an activist who let him stay at her place in Stockholm during his visit to the city; the other had attended a talk he gave in the Swedish capital’.
‘The second woman who invited Mr Assange to her apartment and had slept with him consensually, was concerned over his refusal to wear protection and called the first woman to ask her to talk to him.
When the woman found out that Mr Assange was sleeping with both of them and the first woman sensed that the condom that Mr Assange wore had not served its purpose during one session, they decided to approach the police to see if they could force him to undergo tests for sexually transmitted diseases. And the police decided that there was a prima facie case against Mr Assange for rape and molestation – unprotected sex with a sleeping woman, apparently comes under the purview of rape laws in Sweden. And a refusal to take a ‘no’ from a woman, which the first woman claimed was Mr Assange’s ‘problem,’ is a criminal act.
In India, when a model on a ramp, dropped her already skimpy clothes, the episode was described as a wardrobe malfunction. Something like when the door on your bedroom wardrobe, refuses to open or close.
In Sweden, apparently, a perforated condom is a wicked leak. Swedish law knows how to protect women, even in consensual circumstances. In Sweden, one can sleep with a woman provided she is not sleeping. So AIDS and WikiLeaks are cousins of sorts. In the former, the prophylactic has integrity; in the latter, it is perforated.
Analysts are not clear what specific statutes have been violated by WikiLeaks itself, but this has not stopped influential members of the US administration, including secretary of state Hillary Clinton, from suggesting that stringent action may be taken against Mr Assange, even if such action involves some facile interpretation of the law.
Hillary Clinton either has a short or a selective memory when it comes to leaks. Not even two decades ago, her husband left his mark on Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe. Seeing how the dress could be her long-term meal-ticket, it is hidden away. She refuses to launder it as it can bring in some much needed money. Whilst in India, many people have to launder their money, to take it out of hiding.
Next time you have a leak, spare a thought for Bill Clinton and Julian Assange. There is no end to their leaks. They just go on and on and on!!! Consensual or not, always remember the old limerick:-
There was a man called John
Who wished he’d never been born
He wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
That the tip of his condom was torn
Next time around, don’t look down on your plumber. He can fix your LEAK!
PS – ‘The launch of India’s latest communications satellite GSAT-5P scheduled for Monday was deferred after a LEAK in the Russian cryogenic engine in the launch vehicle GSLV-FO6.
