Suicide is a gigantic problem in Goa as the State’s suicide rate is higher than the national figures. After the death of my mother in August 2010, I was involved in a tough battle against depression. On November 18, 2010 due to a conflict, I along with my wife and three young children had to leave our home in Ribandar and check in at a hotel. After availing the facility of very expensive personal loan to complete the first floor of our family villa, we returned to “Clara Mansion” on December 19, 2012. For most people, family is a source of great joy. However, constant conflicts, family turmoil lead to depression, anxiety, resentment and fear. I was sad as there was a great possibility of the family turbulence affecting the growth of our three young children. Thoughts of suicide did come to my mind during moments of depression.
However, all my priest friends helped me to come closer to God through the Sacrament of Confession. During those difficult times, my parish priest stood by me like a rock.
A student who worked for Herald encouraged me to write for the paper on social and educational topics. Writing for Goa’s leading English daily ensured that there were regular deposits of appreciation in my emotional bank account by those who read my articles. In February 2013, Domnic Fernandes a righteous man from our village who like Mahatma Gandhi believes in simple living and high thinking gave me an opportunity to act in a tiatr staged on the occasion of our chapel feast. A year later my daughter and son also joined me on stage. Till date, I have acted in various Konkani plays. I am looking forward to write and direct my own tiatr in the Kala Academy Tiatr competition. I have learnt the art of short film making from my son who is a member of the film it club in his school. I thank God for blessing with the grace to make use of theatre techniques to facilitate my personal growth and boost my mental health.
When I was threatened that I would be sent behind the bars, I joined the law college so that I could defend myself. Due to family commitments, completing the law studies has always remained a dream. But I am happy as I am able to provide some legal help to the needy. Happiness is when a man realises that his children and wife have turned out to be good people. In order to blossom, the lotus flower which symbolically represents strength in times of darkness must grow through mud and dirty pond water. I thank God for the gift of my wife and my children who are my strength. The beautiful lines from the Holy Bible John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” bring tears of joy in my eyes.
My friend, a medical doctor by profession is being honoured by The President of India for her great service for helping people to manage stress, depression and drug addiction in a North Eastern State of India. She has handpicked me to head her NGO in Goa. Today, on the occasion of the World Mental Health Day, I thank God for blessing me with the grace to keep walking in the painful journey of life by moving from depression to progressive expression.
