Words play a major role in the development of our identity – Who am I? As a counselor, I often hear parents define their young ones in ways that would affect the child’s self worth. Some parents use animal names – pig and dog take the top positions, some use reptilian names, some even use names of fruits – coconut being the most preferred one. Parents mistakenly believe that correcting the child involves the use of sharp words. The tongue becomes a weapon for inflicting pain. Surely disciplining is important but derogatory words and sarcasm neither corrects nor motivates. A child who repeatedly receives negative remarks eventually develops a self-loathing inner voice that says “I am useless, a failure and nobody”. A poor opinion of self can wreck a person’s ability to develop his or her potential.
I also hear parents say to their children – “you are not my child”, “I wish you were never born”, “you are good for nothing”. Disparaging statements like these stir up feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Children who grow up in a ‘no-room-for-mistakes’ environment can become very harsh on themselves and therefore have poor resilience in times of adversity. Due to the negative verbal programming many start viewing themselves as defective and damaged objects. Feeling broken and ashamed, they sabotage opportunities for growth and success because the core belief “I am not good enough” reverberates deep inside their soul.
Words are also known to affect the brain. According to neuroscientists Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman a single negative word can increase the activity in our amygdala (the fear center of the brain). This releases dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters, which in turn interrupts our brains’ functioning. Furthermore, neuroimaging studies have found that children who were emotionally and verbally abused had underdeveloped hippocampus in comparison to children who grew up in a healthy family environment. The hippocampus is the area of the brain involved in memory and emotional regulation. A stunted hippocampal volume is linked to learning problems, behavioral difficulties, depression and anxiety.
Parents need to instill confidence in their children. Children thrive when they receive blessings not curses. Words that affirm, encourage, heal and inspire act as a shield against trauma and hardships. There’s nothing more comforting than hearing words that evoke hope, express love and convey belongingness. Like seeds, words go deep and take roots. The harvest is the result of seeds that were planted. Choose your words wisely. As the saying goes, ‘Be careful with your words. Once they are said they can only be forgiven, not forgotten’.
