How many times would you have thought of reading someone’s body language during a meeting or a business pitch or even during networking? Almost all of us have wished at some point of our life how great it would be to know what is going on in his mind. Many of us take the next step of buying/reading few of the books on body language to identify the hidden feelings.
In the business scenario, a person would be at the upper edge if he/she can decode the person across the table. There are many books available in market. But here is the thing. There is no ‘set gesture’ which tells you what a person is feeling. So, we will be looking through various myths related to non verbal communications.
The more firm the handshake, the better it is or Women should be given a light handshake
Apologies to burst the myth, but both of them are not true. There is one and only one of to have a perfect handshake and it is for everyone, irrespective of any gender. There is no such rule on who to go first, but typically, it should be at the time when you greet someone from close or just met someone. Recently, a lady told me in a networking event that she offered handshakes to people and half of the times her hand was just hanging in the air, but no one would shake hands with her. That is because, we, Indians, are still little shy when it comes to ‘touching’ an unknown woman publicly. When in business, it is completely alright to offer a woman a handshake.
The perfect handshake would include, extending your hand straight, grabbing the palms, not the fingers, and have a firm grip for 2-3 seconds and leave. The pressure has to be up to a level, that you hold the palm well, not tight or crushing.
Crossing of hands meaning not interested
You must have read that crossing of hands signifies either closed or reluctance during any conversation. Well, that is not at all true. We cross our hands in various situations, when we are comfortable sitting that way, when we feel cold, when we don’t want dangling hands while standing etc. Not every time does it mean closed. In fact, if you just google confident working man/woman, you would end up with most of the pictures where the person is standing straight, looking sideways, with a little smile and wait for it…. hands folded.
So, when and why is it being said that crossing of hands means not interested? The fact behind this is our brain. The brain’s right hemisphere controls the muscles on the left side of the body, while the left hemisphere controls the muscles on the right side of the human body. So, whenever we fold our hands, the cognitive load on the brain is comparatively more, making it little difficult for us to pay attention. Thus, when we cross our hand and try to listen to someone, most likely we will retain very less. And everything depends upon your habit, if you are habituated with folded hands since long, probably your brain also is. So, it wouldn’t really make a difference to that. Next time, before judging someone, pay more attention.
Usage of hands is always good
Number of research do say that using of hands increase your likeability, or you are being more memorable or perceived as honest, but again, there is a catch. You should know where to use your hands and how much is too much. When you are standing just next to a person, using a lot of hand gestures might intimidate the other person. On the other hand when you are delivering a presentation, talk to a set of people, less or no usage of hands might be taken as a sign of nervousness. So, let us make it really simple. Imagine a cube just in front of you, which starts from your head level, goes down to your belly button and extends your shoulders (both side) so that the box has equal sides. Now, that is called as ‘Presentation Box’. Ideally, your gestures should be inside your presentation box. The bigger the audience is and the farther you are standing, the larger becomes your Presentation Box. So, space from the person/people will always be relative to your extension of hand gestures. If you keep this in mind, you would always use the right gestures at the right moment.
93% of a conversation is Non Verbal.
People who say that actually are referring to the Dr Albert Mehrabian Model which is 55% body language, 38% voice, 7% words. This holds true only if the person is talking about his/her feelings. If that would have been true, then we would have understood the calculus (mathematics) or would have understood even rocket science by reading the ‘non verbals’. So, it is high time, we should start believing the truth.
So, these are the important body language myths, which have been in used for years now. There are other myths also, like, if a person is rubbing the neck or touching the nose, then he/she is lying, if they are stroking the chin, then they are being judgmental. There is absolutely no ‘1’ sign about what a person is feeling. There are clusters that we have to look for. Half knowledge is dangerous, and you would never want to judge someone wrong and turn down the offer just because he was he was touching his nose.
