These have been rather strange times. That is stating the
obvious. The virus and its variants have brought dramatic changes to life as we
know it. Corporate life as we know it is no longer the same. Executives now
work from home thus reducing the risk of contracting the virus. For students in
schools and colleges life has been turned upside down. Times spent with friends
on the fields or in the classroom is now a distant memory. Considerable amounts
of time are now being spent in front of a computer screen listening to a voice
delivering information on various subjects. Yes, it is cold and lacks the
immediacy of instruction in a classroom but that’s life. This has also meant
that students are now spending a great deal of time at home with their parents
who are also working from home. This changes the calculation completely.
Earlier students would leave in the morning and return home late afternoon or
in the evening. Parents would be out working and return home later in the
evening, interaction would be around the dinner table and that would be that.
Now all that has changed, everyone is now in an apartment the whole day and
there is far greater interaction. The opportunity to lose one’s temper is far
greater. Parents are now in the lives of their students so much more in these
circumstances and which could give rise to greater criticism over various
aspects of their lives. So does this mean there are newer styles of parenting
emerging?
Genevieve Dcunha a senior corporate
executive and parent said “Young kids are stressed. Their outer circle exposure
( school friends classmates extended family like cousins) has been paused in
the last 2 years so the innercircle (i.e parents and siblings) play a crucial
role. Parents have to be more involved and understanding so they comprehend
what’s going on in the lives of their kids. A perfect eg. Parents were strict
about limited screen time and mobile usage. Today with online schooling,
parents have to change their style to be more permissive.” A very smart
approach without a doubt.
Another senior retired executive who has
children in college said it was very important to give them space. He said
“Since they are at home the whole day, they need their space rather than
getting into their space the whole day. They need to attend classes and need
that privacy and we need to adapt our times according to them. We run a primary
school too and I am sure there will be a lot of discussion on this in March
when we all meet”. Conal Lobo who plays the role of enthusiastic uncle to his
nieces says that he along with their parents decided to be attentive but not
aggressive asking for reports as to what they were doing every other hour. He
said “The kids are in the senior class in school and they are tense about the state
of affairs. They miss going to school, their friends and the entire routine. We
have to be helpful and ensure they stay calm. Sometimes when their parents are
not there, I sit with them and generally talk to them about how they feel. I
like to keep it light and ensure they have a good laugh.”
Zina Varugis a counselor, behavioral and relationship coach in
Vasco said everyone had learned to adapt. She said “Children have learned and
so have the parents. I don’t see new parenting styles emerging. I talk about
challenges faced by the parents. Based on interactions with my clients I can
say no boundaries work at home. Children enjoy boundaries when they are in
school but now they are super monitored by parents. Parents don’t seem to know
how to let them be. It is not healthy. When children went to school, they
learned to be independent. That is not happening now.” Children, she said, have
forgotten etiquette. She pointed out that students sitting at home could attend
class while in bed wearing pajamas. This she felt was negative for performance.
Many she said were forgetting how to say things. She said “It is not
necessarily healthy. There are norms of living”. She also pointed out the spurt
in screen time. Earlier she said they had a few hours to watch programs and
then that was that but now they were on screen for hours on end. Parents she
said had to be friends. She said “Our parents are geared to be parents for
certain parts of the day but now that has changed with the kids staying at
home. They are now trying to control the child. The kids are frustrated, they
would be out with people their own age but now that is not happening. I feel
sorry for the children, not for the parents. It is tough for everyone. There is
a lot of irritation, lack of social interaction. It cannot be done on the
phone. People need face to face interaction”. This she said was leading to
unnecessary parenting, leading to challenges for the child due to lack of
freedom which resulted in children not having respect for their parents in some
cases. People she said had to learn to give their kids space which would be
much appreciated. Kids she felt would be responsible because they were
responsible while at school.
One
can only hope these strange circumstances don’t last long.
