To err is human. To blame somebody for it is ‘human-er’.
It’s in our genes. When the buck is metaphorical, it’s just easier to pass it
on. To take ownership for any wrongdoings just leads to consequences and
repercussions. Which are just fancy words for ‘there will be hell to pay’. So
point the finger in a different direction, feign ignorance and slowly back away
from the problem as you watch someone else defend himself/herself. If you’re
running short of ideas, here are a few suggestions on who or what you should be
pointing at.
The Dog. They are really awesome pets and it’s great that
they can’t defend themselves. Have severe flatulence? No problem. Just point at
fluffy. In all probability he’ll be grinning and wagging his tail anyway. If
that’s not claiming responsibility, I don’t know what is. Break something
valuable? The dog did it. It’s fool proof, I tell you. It might be prudent to note that you must own
a dog to blame the dog, otherwise people might doubt the credibility of your
story. What can I say? The world is made up of sceptics.
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The Government. You can get creative here with the
government. Blaming traffic woes or the price of potatoes on our elected
representatives is so passé. Think out-of-the-box. Don’t have a box to think
out of? Why can’t the government just subsidise creative-thinking boxes, those
self-serving thieves. Your beer is not cold enough? Well, just maybe, if the
government built dedicated roads for the transport of chilled beverages from
the store to your home, you’d be having a chilled one as you’re reading this
right now. Have a bad haircut? Well, if the state just encouraged less popular
courses like hair-styling, your hair couldn’t look like a rodent feasted on it
while you slept.
Your husband. Blame your husband or your boyfriend if you
have one. 6 out of 10 times, it will be his fault anyway, so it’s worth a shot.
If there is an unhappy woman in this world, I can guarantee you there’s a man
responsible. In fact, you don’t even need to blame him for anything in
particular. Just something like “You know what you did!” If you ever see a man
frowning in a corner, with a look on his face like he’s trying to solve complex
trigonometry, he’s busy attempting to figure our when and what he did wrong.
Like all men, he knows that he’s the defaulter of some grave problem. Men, of
course, cannot blame women, lest they want to walk out with all limbs intact.
Like I said earlier. Blame the dog. That’s what they’re there for. Not to play
fetch or guard the house. That’s archaic thinking.
The Cloud. The Cloud is some online mythical thing that
nobody understands or can really define. So safe to say, you can blame the
Cloud for all your online problems. If someone didn’t receive an email, maybe
it got lost in the Cloud. Missed a deadline? Perhaps the files took longer than
expected to traverse the Cloud. Got caught with pictures on your PC that you
shouldn’t really be looking at? Damn Cloud must’ve somehow switched on your
computer, made a folder called ‘Bertie’s secret pics’ and filled it with
questionable stuff.
When all else fails, raise your hand, breathe in and take
ownership. Show the world you have character. And that you have the ability to
stand up and take responsibility for what you’ve done. Your dog will love you
for it. As will the Cloud.
