Eighteen years of togetherness is nothing but ‘love’ I typed out emphatically. I held my breath and waited for my chum to react. But all that I got was, ‘How naive can you get Smitha?, Twenty-five years of marriage and I would rather call it ‘conditioning’ my friend remarked. Seriously, do you have a salivating husband drooling all over you? I rebuked her. Was it not for Ivan Pavlov and his classical conditioning your husband would have responded in a more non-canine manner I remarked curtly. It was past midnight and we were debating about love on FB. Things surely could not get more quixotically right.
I have spent the last eighteen years with my man for better or worse. Incidentally they happen to be the best years of my life. If it is not love that binds us what is ? I demanded. You have not outgrown the M&B phase, have you, she retorted. Do you know, she confessed my love or rather infatuation evaporated the very same year of marriage when my better half unceremoniously farted. How gross. She continued – You can’t be in love with a guy who is a bag of gas. I mulled over it. Surely flatulence can’t kill love just as much so as burps no matter how loud be their release. These are curable ailments. Indisputably, one did not permit them to ruin a beautiful relation.
I recalled reading an article where the author claimed masculinity is supposed to be exuded by such raw release. And going by the same logic I wondered which man would find a woman attractive if she burped and farted at will. Can love be then nurtured and nourished in such dynamic dynamite environ?. Maybe someday it will serve as a good research topic for a student of Sociology or Anthropology or some other logy. At the moment we were trying to figure out ‘love’.
Twenty-five years of audio-nasal assault? is something unheard of I admitted. I mean physical assault, sexual assault and other forms of domestic violence is proverbial. But, incessant farts. Does it amount to culpable homicide not amounting to murder? I enquired. Worse than Chinese torture she replied. Fortunately she developed Anosmia i.e loss of smell. They went ahead and started a family. Oh, you made love, so love was there all along, why don’t you admit I challenged her. Ever heard about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs she barked.
As she went offline, I reluctantly admitted how ‘conditioning’ is a reality in many households and love is a gift for the blessed few. With the machine switched off, I snuggled back in the familiar arms. A voice in my head whispered how I was conditioned to slumber snugly in those warm arms and another voice reminded how much we loved it. And then it dawned on me that the conditioning is permitted only because love exists, unlike dogs one would walk out of the relation. As I was trying to settle the conflict, I heard the familiar sleepy drawl –if you don’t give up your nocturnal chats wonder what will salvage our relation? Love will! I whispered. I did not wait for a response as the familiar snore lulled me to a land of romance and everlasting love.
