After an unusually long and unbearably hot summer, rains are on the horizon. The sky is covered in a mourning shroud of grey cloud. Soon the winds come wailing in like a thousand banshees foretelling death and destruction. The coconut trees bend low like congressmen before the high command. The monsoons are finally here.
I return home after a walk in the rain refreshed, countryside. I am surprised to see our milkman awaiting me, at home. We exchange greetings. He seems a bit perturbed. After a little hesitation he opens up, “I have come to tell you that I will not be supplying milk from the first of next month. I thought it would be proper to inform you in advance, so you could make other arrangements”, he adds.
So, have you too made a Portuguese passport was my natural question as almost all my neighbors seem to be doing so. “No not at all. I am only changing my business. I am selling my buffaloes. I am buying cows instead”, says he. I did not even know that he was supplying buffalo milk. I immediately intervene telling that I have no problem with cows’ milk.
He continues, “But these cows are not for milk. In fact they may not even breed. The feed requirement is much less and the profits much more. These cows are fully Indian. No cross bred cows will do. All that I have to do is, provide it little food and lot of water”. Seeing that I am confused he looks straight in my eyes and gives the final punch. “I will be collecting the urine. Fifty litres per cow per day. Price of rupees two hundred per litre assured. Milk sells at only rupees forty per litre. Why should I be a milkman? Better be a urine man. No more struggles. Urine it will be”.
“There are many other benefits”, he goes on to explain. “You see the paddy fields as you travel daily to Margao from Majorda through Betalbatim and Seraulim, none are cultivated. Just wait for a year or so. All the paddy fields will be green with either papaya or banana plants. This is called symbiotic and sustainable farming where animal husbandry and agriculture co-exists to mutual benefit”. But what is the connection? I ask.
He promptly replies, “The stems of the papayas have been used from Vedic times as catheters to drain out urine. The same is collected in containers specially made out of banana leaf. Everything is so natural. No chance of pollution. No contamination. The ancient practice is being revived. Cow dung will be used to manure the banana and papaya plantations. Farmer can sell the papayas and bananas. And stems and leaves too. Nothing goes to waste. It’s money all the way.” I am wonderstruck by the simplicity of the whole process.
“For the urine to be effective, it has to be collected according to the shastras. Hence, no hybrid cows, no plastic catheters nor plastic containers. Urine will then be processed and sold for its medicinal value. And also as disinfectant”. He is ecstatic.
I request him, to suggest some other milkman, reminding him that my family have been his customers since my childhood and earlier. He shrugs his shoulders. All milkmen are following in his footsteps. The future is urine therapy.
As he leaves, he invites me to see his new cowshed. Later in the day as I am free, I walk over to see my milkman for the last time before he becomes an urine man. The old cowshed has been renovated and extended and arrangements have been made to tether large number of cows.
I notice a large hideous looking contraption of a machine brand new, parked nearby. It has large wheels like those of a wheel loader and has strong and sharp blades in front and a vicious looking hook at the rear. So, I ask him what this machine is for. “Oh, it’s a grass cutter patented by Kaka Namdev, the yoga guru. It is very effective. Moreover, Government offers a subsidy of two hundred percent on its purchase”, he tells me. Incredulous, I bark out. How can there ever be two hundred percent subsidy? The Government will go bankrupt. “Not my problem”, he tells me. “All this while, it was these farmers who have been going bankrupt. It’s good if the Government goes bankrupt for a change. And commit suicide”, he retorts.
The machine, I tell him is too huge and it will trample upon and destroy grass. He laughs and says that the machine is not designed to cut ordinary grass. “Have you not been following the news?” He questions me and himself provides the answer. “For the first time in the world the coconut tree has been designated as grass and when you have such sturdy grass, you need powerful lawn mowers. This machine is designed for the purpose”.
“And when the grass is all cut, we have the cows to feed it to. See everything is taken care of, even the cattle feed. No scope for any fodder scam. The machines can also be used to cut down papayas and banana plants when needed. I am looking forward to have a Mercedes parked in front of my house, like the sugarcane farmers from Kolhapur. And just by selling urine,” he smiles triumphantly. And then a thought strikes him. “Have you read what the Gujarati scientist has said?” And he himself provides the answer. “The scientist says there is gold in cow’s urine. And if this is not a joomla, I may have a Rolls Royce. Forget the Mercedes”.
I slowly walk back and as I do so, I recall the strains of an old Herman’s Hermits song, “No milk today, my cow has gone away”. Time seems to have modified the lyrics too.
(Radharao F.Gracias is a senior Trial Court Advocate, a former Independent MLA, a political activist, with a reputation for oratory and interests in history and ornithology.)
