It is a common complaint that today’s children do not respect elders, do not obey the norms of the family, they are stubborn, violent, etc., etc. Yes, to some extent these remarks are correct. Children are criticized for their behaviour at every level. Can the criticism of children help in improving their bahaviour? I have dealt with children in the school as a teacher and as a Headmaster for almost 34 years and I have experienced that no, the so called naughty, mischievous and disobedient, children could be improved in their behaviour by subjecting them to criticism or punishment.
We should not forget that children are and will be what we make of them. When I say ‘we’ I mean the elders and seniors in the family and the society. Children will never learn by criticism as much as they learn from examples that we set in our lives. A child, in fact, need role models and not lectures if we really feel the need of improving the behaviour. That means until and unless we – the seniors and elders in the society – are not able to improve our own way of living then we cannot expect our children to do so. Therefore, the major responsibility lies with the elders i.e. the parents, teachers, and social and political leaders.
Children are a true picture of their elders. They live in a family. They breathe in and breathe out the qualities of life prevailing in that family. They inherit the values from their parents and other elders in the family because these are the values, which the children experience 24 hours a day. The children grow under the influence of the family culture. Naturally, they show the same qualities and values acquired from their elders in their daily life.
Therefore, there is no point in crying that the present younger generation is going astray. It is high time that we look into ourselves, and assess for ourselves, what are the role models in front of the younger generation today. To begin with there are different types of parents. Some parents are such that they sometimes either pamper or neglect the children. There are many examples where a girl-child is treated differently compared to the treatment given to a boy-child. This inculcates in the children an attitude of indifference. The scenario at the schools is more disturbing. Children observe teachers giving undue importance and attention to some children while others are being neglected. In fact the teachers, by acting in this manner, are responsible to destroy the enthusiasm and interest from within many children who are not the favourites of the teachers.
Coming back to the situation prevailing in many families in our society, it is evident that the basic cause of the behaviour of today’s children is the conduct of our elders in the family. Do not the children see the disgraceful behaviour of their parents while treating the elders in the family? Is it a good sight for the children to observe their parents maltreating their grand-parents and compelling them (grand-parents) to live in old aged homes? Do not the children observe the fights between their parents in the house? Do not the children notice the unsavoury relationship between their parents? Yes, the children observe everything. If that is the way of life of the parents and elders, why the children should not opt for a similar way of living? We must remember that parents are their most important role models, and they follow them implicitly, without any doubt. Therefore the behaviour of the parents is of utmost importance for shaping the character of the children.
Next to the parents, the teachers are supposed to be the best friends and guides to students. Unfortunately, the children observe favouritism and discrimination in the deeds of the teachers. There are examples of changing the marks of certain students in order to help them pass while others are not taken care off in the same manner. There are examples when teachers have clandestinely disclosed the contents of the questions papers to their favourite students. There are examples of teachers and paper setters involved in selling question papers. What will the children acquire in their lives from such teachers who are supposed to be their ‘role models’?
Let us analyze the situation outside the house as well as outside the school premises. They observe the behaviour of their political leaders. The political leaders are rich as far as money and muscle power is concerned, but mercifully poor as far as their morality and honesty is concerned. Children notice that these ‘internally black as coal’ and ‘externally white as snow’ leaders have tremendous respect among the people. Children observe that these leaders have become very successful within a very short period of time. If so, why should they not follow their leaders to be successful in life? Hence, they too march ahead in the footsteps of their corrupt and dishonest leaders.
Besides, the children are attracted by the activities of their friends. The content of television and cinema too corrupts the minds of our children. As the external atmosphere is corrupt, the environment in the family and in the school should have been ‘ideal’ to counter the external destructive forces. Unfortunately, this does not happen. An ‘ideal’ atmosphere cannot be created by the children it has to be compulsorily done by the parents in the family and by the heads and teachers in the school. In order to create that ‘ideal’ atmosphere in our homes and schools, the parents and teachers will have to be real ‘role models’ to their children. Only then there can be some positive effect on the behaviour of our children.
Hence it is the parents at home, teachers in the schools and elders in the society including social and political leaders alone who are primarily responsible to bring a change in the lives of the children by improving their own way of life. Are we ready to accept this challenge?
(Tomazinho Cardozo is a former Speaker of Goa Legislative Assembly)
