Elsa Angel Rose
Hence, at times, one might have to do therapist hopping, as the name suggests, it is the practice of frequently changing therapists or ending therapy prematurely after only a few sessions. “An ideal therapist should be a calm, patient listener and facilitate clients to understand themselves better. He/ she should display empathy and provide assertive reflections,” said Devika Mangaldas, a psychologist and life coach from Panjim. Even though therapy hopping might not come off as a brilliant first option, it is inevitable if things are not going well with the current therapist. Different therapists have diverse approaches. Each therapy is a customised journey. Having trust in and a good rapport with your therapist is ‘non-negotiable’. Hence, one has to be mindful while choosing their therapist. There are some red flags to be aware of before getting into therapy. “Some common red flags of the process would be a judgmental approach that doesn’t support open sharing, suggestive leading guidance, which is not ideal in a counselling setting, and most importantly, breach of confidentiality, which is not acceptable in a therapeutic environment,” said Devika.
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IT CAN GET REALLY MESSED UP IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG ‘ONE’ Choosing the wrong therapist can have a lot of consequences on your mental health and your life. “Therapy is not only defined by the relationship, but also by its frame – regular session times, clear limits, and a consistent structure, which is usually discussed in the f irst consultation session, followed by a formal contract. These elements are not arbitrary; they are integral to how therapy works. The containment provided by time and boundaries helps clients begin to regulate their internal states, tolerate difficult emotions, and make sense of their inner world in a manageable way,” Dr Aditi Tendulkar, psychotherapist from St. Inez, explained. When this structure is tested, a risk arises; therapy will shift from a reflective process into one where relational patterns are enacted rather than understood. “Clients may come to rely more heavily on the therapist for immediate reassurance or regulation, rather than developing their own internal capacities. Over time, this can foster dependency and reduce a sense of agency and more looking for an avenue for validation, which can repeat patterns,” Dr Aditi shared.
PROBLEMATIC ‘FEELINGS’ FOR THE THERAPIST AND VICE VERSA
Something that people hear from therapy goers at times is that “I wish I could talk to my therapist outside of sessions,” “I feel like my therapist is the only person who really understands me,” “I wonder if my therapist thinks about me between sessions,” “I get nervous or excited before every session,” and other similar thoughts. This “developing feelings or a liking” towards a therapist or vice versa is one of the most problematic and unfortunate mishaps to happen in your mental health journey, precisely speaking. “Development of feelings for the therapist is very normal in therapy. What the client develops is called transference, and what the therapist develops is called countertransference. Feelings develop as the therapist may be seen as an understanding, ready to listen, empathetic individual who is supportive and comforting in a disturbed, anxious and depressed surrounding that the client feels trapped in,” explained Dr Veena Kantak, a psychiatrist. Even when romantic or affectionate feelings arise, it is rarely about the therapist alone, but more about the deeper longings for attunement, care, or recognition that have roots in earlier relationships within early years. “A therapist is supposed to mirror the client’s own feelings and struggles, but as an individual, the therapist brings traits like gender, age, religion, and social status to the session, which may mimic someone from the client’s past relationships or attachments. Thus, this relationship may be dealt with in the same way as previously,” said Dr Veena. In such a scenario, the therapist’s stance is highly important. Dr Aditi explained, “The therapist’s stance, which is traditionally conceptualised as a relative ‘blank screen’ or ‘tabula rasa’, is important here. By limiting personal disclosure and minimising the intrusion of their own subjectivity, the therapist creates a space in which the client’s projections can emerge more clearly.” Projections are an unconscious defence mechanism where an individual attributes their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, motives, or traits onto another person or group. According to Dr Aditi, contemporary practices recognise that the therapist is not a neutral absence, but a regulated, responsive presence. “Through processes of co-regulation, where the therapist’s emotional regulatory practices and calmness while being attuned to the present support the client’s ability to emotionally regulate while feeling contained and understood. This experience of being emotionally met can deepen attachment, and when facilitated, these feelings can be further explored, which can help resolve earlier attachment patterns, thereby healing and releasing certain parts of the self,” explained Dr Aditi. If the therapist feels that transference or countertransference is hindering the therapy, reference to another therapist should be considered.
NEED CLEAR BOUNDARIES EVEN IN THERAPY
“A client might begin reaching out between sessions for emotional support that isn’t urgent, or look for the therapist to take on a more directive role in their life. There can also be a growing curiosity about the therapist’s personal world – wanting to know more about them, connecting on social media, or seeking reassurance through personal disclosure, regularly arriving late but expecting the full session, stretching conversations beyond the allotted time,” are some examples of breach of boundaries from the client side shared by Dr Aditi. So what are these boundaries that have to be strictly maintained? “Boundaries, including ethical, social, and cultural boundaries, are to be honoured. The client’s confidentiality and dignity are of utmost importance,” said Dr Veena. What ultimately makes therapy effective is the presence of a safe, consistent, and respectful space where clients can explore their inner world without judgment or over dependence. Choosing the right therapist, therefore, is one of the most important decisions of one’s life.
